Thursday, 27 January 2022

A almost 2 week disasters and catchup

 So it's only been just over the 2 weeks since the jab and the past week has felt from hell, but things are going back to a search for things and maybe it's going back to the stress of it all and there were more challenges that were to lie ahead, since getting back to work was going to be a tough one. But there have been some times to get other things sorted out.  But we can only start with what's been given. 

The Final weekend off of the year so far...

So let's start off with that weekend after the first jab, which actually it was a better one than expected, well sort of. So There was friday which actually I went over to grandparents to get their freezer fixed since it was left on over freeze and that was to be cleared as well as some other parts with the Portal TV not working as it should do.  But it meant to have a nice pasty from Premier in the shops nearby, the chicken flavour was really good. 

The village to drop things off with 

But this was also the case of getting things to deal with MORE calls from work and this was for a visit that ended up going to be stressful, plus more of the fact of other calls while some chores with the freezer to clear out. then it was the case of actually Insurance providers calling up and they were a pain in the ass to call and when customers were still calling up, it did not help, but the end game of that was a £365 for the year but only £30.65 was paid due to them not being able to offer a single payment.

But then it lead to just more things to prep up and with new things to look forward to but at the same time, it was soon to learn a scarry worry of another thing on top, so parents were looking to move and it was to the middle of nowhere and a fair time away to cycle to work (Morwellham) and this would have made it harder to get to work if running or end up using the bike every day. But that was on my mind as well as trying to hopefully sort out the chance to get the confidence with the anxiety thats been dragging me down lately.  But it goes to a nice bit of tea and actually it's a case of struggling to think straight, especially as to how busy Work wa going to be next week and how systems were not going to work. 

But then it leads to Saturday and actually I got the chance to work online for most of the day Since parents drove to load the freezer back at nan and grandads. But it was a nice opportunity to get some bits done and some phone calls were still to be sorted out as well  But it goes to the lasting of actually getting my first message on feabie, from a girl in the US and well it was her wanting to do an online feeding session aka buy her food/send money then we chat while she eats. I mean that i've not done in a LONG while, like even in the days of facetime with a girl named Sophie but over 8 years ago. that was from Plym or even Saltash but that was in the immature stages of both of us, But either way since it was us-based, it was a no from me.

The Smoothie 

The bacon with egg

But as the ran poured down, It felt nice to finally make the sense of the time to finally work and work and online to get some money back from what was to happen and oh boy it was going to be more and very expensive. But it was especially some nervewracking moments with beng that choice of having to move in the next few weeks maybe, Well i didn't realise that until the day after, But that could changes things for the worse and well, it was going to get worse in some ways VERY quickly. But it just felt like a blur in that regard. But it was then nice to have something different for tea on that side of things, fuck I cant even remember what I'm typing and probably need to look at the pictures, but it was nice to make some Chilli based tacos with mum and dad. 

The Pasta with Chilli and some taco shells with the Salsa and some rice cakes too. 

But it comes to the final day and this then leads to having to get some bits an pieces done and this was the first time to finally get a video filmed and it was the first review of the year, this was going to be the Vlogging kit, which I did get some time to finally film. 

This i've still not used since the filming of this due to how things were going to turn out, but it means actually this is going to be a good piece of kit and I might be able to shove it into my pocket to use for the future but it's not looking like I'll get to travel (for longer times like a holiday) this year so maybe it will be a while until I get to use it, and even with a grabtab to order to make it fit, well it will some side steps. 

The front of the Box

When its fully setup 

Using the camera 

A selfie using it

So then it comes to that being filmed and sure the dog has its moments of barking which you did hear in the video but that was then time to also enjoy some time with family, like its the case of doing some things like shopping with them, since yes I know I have been overdue on things but its a case of how things could end up and especially after with a dog walking. But well, there was a hope things will fall through with a moving, but thats for later on. 

The Jacket potato with beans and ham for that lunch

So then it leads to eventually trying to start to get the video editing done for it since well, this was going to the be the goal to get done in the time of it, this was NOT looking likely and things were going to superfuck themselves up to non normal.  Sure that messages from Feabie sudden disappeared shortly after saying no for some online feeding between here and the US, like the feabie profile literally says not interested and soon we will end up making more mistakes with potential hopefuls but well lets get to this in the right order. 

That intense first week back. 

So we start of with monday, with brakes which were actually more loose and even with a bit of tightening was not working with that down hill, plus its raining at that time, So I skidded down the lane and luckily did not hurt anything, but was then a nice catchup with my regular customers and they were not as happy with that's happening, but actually I had to help them for a bit longer which then lead to the next visit just up the hill and you know what, boom the bike battery died again since it was disconnecting when soaked. But then it was another customer with a quick turned 30 minutes to then another customer with regards to checking a few things out with a printer and so on and so forth. 

This eventually lead to the 4pm mark and it was time to go ot the final 2 visits which well, one was a nice little lesson with a regular and then the other comes to the fact of getting in the dark cycle to a crossroads, which actually I'll end up going a few more times in the next 2 weeks, but after leaving around the 7:30ish mark, I was finally home. Which then it was time to have a late night mashup of food. 

But then it leads to another long visit to the same location as other times and well this is where shit hits the fan, since it was a hetic day of one after another, to the point I cant even remember, form email by my xbox rep to even having to book in an iPad repair that nearly took 2 weeks to repair and still with me as well as other orders and things I dont really understand. 

But this is where I get a last minute whatsapp from the past since she was stranded in Launcetston and wanted £35 for a taxi, so that was done, which I then got to the Visit and TURNED AWAY AGAIN since this customer did not get the right confirmation. So it means cycling in the dark and STILL waiting for a text back after getting that sent over, since the issue goes of paying to the point I could not use starling due to them blocking the account (Not mine) a few months and now at some point its a time to get  to see if I do try to meet up with them, but from some chatter it could be a complex try. 

Anyway I decided to get some bits from Lidl on the way back since there were some good deals on, like more of the sauces and the cheesecakes I did see and was used for some flirting later on in the few days time, But then it was time to get some decent sauces in Tesco since the imported food like Itsu and even some Nandos sauces were on offer, like the extra mild peri peri ones. 

The Cheesecakes that soon I was to tease someone about - at an expensive way to flirt

The shop from Tesco from the extra mild wraps to the Little moons on clubcard deal 

After I left lidl to go to Tesco, I did get a text saying I got home safely so that was that and getting home laate was  just the common side of it.

But that out of the way, it was going to get worse, sure I felt things were quiet and they were since it seems did not change over a schedule which sure helped me with getting repairs done, money paid in and even some GPUs to post off via amazon. 

A nice lunch and soon to be final one purchased until next week or even 2 weeks later. 

At a cost of nearly 86 Calls when I found out calls were not being passed through to me, Including Paymentsense, Really fucking trying to follow up from the rep that came in with no mask (changed name on card compared to when she added me on facebook to try to passively pressure to join it) and I just say to them thats enough and then they understood and as far a I still know, have not had a call from them since, which is good. But then it was also getting to a visit to deal with which is the normal way of things, But it was also a time of Morrisons doing thee really nice mince beef hotpots and its going to be a few of them over the next few weeks from the sounds of it, but leftovers make it so nice. 

The minced beef hotpot 

A locked out Friday: 

So its the 14th January, and I end up working to go to get to the door and it turns out its wedged in and this was going to be really shit, so turns out after getting some screwdrivers to chisel it in and I was no way going to, calling locksmiths was a case of fucking pass the buck, until 1 offered to visit at 5pm, another from woolwell actually offered. So I then ran home and got there about the 11:30 mark, well back home.. 

Panic via a screwdriver

But then after some calls to deal with and walking Rosie in the cold blue sky with the sun being out, and then it was the time to run back to the shop to get this door unlocked which actually took about an hour, well 10 minutes for the door to open but the rest was actually getting the lock to actually work. But then it was more calls to sort out and actually some visits were pushed in, so it ended up 3 visits after the locksmith left and a £119.44 fee to pay. Calls were coming and and i was shaking in some and most ways and well its a case of things.

But then it was time to deal with those visits and then off to Lidl to spend more money, but Monitor risers are a thing and £12.99 is a good sign, I did not and still not had a chance to build it yet. Also the Funnyuns I've had before and were nice, especially as they are a nice tang to it. The Vitamins are on offer for 15% off/ so 4 of them were really needed. 

The mini lidl shopping

So then it was time to get home and crash out from the long day, There was a nice delayed fish and chips to have along with some of the Frikadellen which is really nice. 

The fish and chips as well 

So this of evenings was coming to be a weird one or start of what would be me falling down a fucking whole of a simp feeder. So I commented on a status about feeding and chatting to people, I get that and pretty much said 

ts so simple but soo hard to reach for, heck feeding and asking how your day was is a mega cute goal

So this lead to a DM from the OP, which actually meant the chance to maybe video chat even, of course not straight away, thats too entitled for sure, but a chance to enjoy feederism again in terms of well, actually more than just getting food and seeing a bit of the after-effect of it, especially as she is a 23 stone 23 year old which is nice. But we chatted and well that lead to the day after being a Just eat gift card at work to get. She was busy to reply which again is fair, but turns out it wasn't enough to get some deserts from Rassams or somewhere like that. 

But then it was to cope with that realisation I could have started a step into the bad past and well, that was just the small stepping stone to mistakes. So this then leads to the weekend. 

The weekend to finally take a bit of pressure off. 

Well I say that and it was going to be a bit of a problem, since I had to finally start to get this iPad still finally sorted out, which was going to take itself a bit of time to do and it was meaning to focus and well If this was not sorted, it was meaning the Sunday to do, Luckily on my end it was the case of having to get a visit done in the evening which was overdue due to the issue of the phone, But that was a lucky case of getting that sorted which meant I could have that Sunday off.  But also it was a case of getting some brake pads from the next door to work. 

But getting back in the fresh cold air around 6:30pm was time to then have some tea and more online work to get money in for the week ahead, especially as soo things were REALLY going to be expensive. Which actually, since of the jobs caught up, I can take sunday off which I finally wanted to get that done. So after a nice potato salad breakfast sub.

but instead, it was a nice trip to go to see my grandparents and it was nice to have a bit of help with finding keys for their mobility scooters. Which is ok and well I had time to apologize in the air to someone I feel i've let down but I didn't 

The Minced Beef hotpot again 

But then it was time to get home and finally starting to get the bike ready for yet another long day tomorrow on that side of things, so me and dad helped get the brake pads on before it was the chance for it to be the cleaned, which some hot water in a bucket to make the hands feel weird as usual from the saturation i think. But it was needed with only 2 weeks ago I cleaned the bike and turned the brakes up to put it by the tyre to make it stop much easier. 

The brake pads 

But after that it was soon getting to be dimpsy and a dog walking in the evening was the case here, well  still visible at 4:30 was quite rare and well its a sign of the times being lighter. Which for me is the case of being silent and reflecting on what was to be the down to the mistakes made and how bad choices were going to be in  my mind for that. 

Rosie with another dogwalk 

But then it was time to have a roast dinner and also it was nice to start talking at night to another girl, and this was ending up about iPhone cables like the Mophie ones and the iParts4u ones and then it was talking until like 1:30am or 2. There was chatter from another part later on but that was the monday for that to happen. 

The Roast chicken for that tea 

The Second week of intense parts

Then it was time to deal with the cycles and I thought it was a case of the battery being charged but sadly that was not the case in this regard. Since it did not charge very well and this was going to show. The weather turned bright but it was COLD and Crisp and that means ICE. So it was to tread carefully as I cycled to the first visit, which was the hill; nearby, the road was closed so it was another road which past an allotment I've not been since last year or even 2020. But Walking down that hill was nice to take things a bit easier for the most part, but That one slip could mean everything so Taking that time is vital. 

Then it was another text from a second job colleague who does mostly ask me to helps on HIS live chats with customers, but then it was time to cycle up the hill for another job to get one checked out, which was some small questions here or there before finally getting to another job to get the antennas sorted. that sort of work in the end with some testing and climbing small ladders, i'm realizing I have inherited my dad's fear of heights. Also, LFTS in the wallet is becoming useful. 

 But after that, it was then time to head off for one more visit or was it 2, no wait it was ALOT LONGER, so it ended up getting to another visit and that was for sorting out a printer issue which then I got to the shop about 6, which then it was the time to get chatting for the like 30 minutes I had to do some admin in the dark in the shop and the tickle inside me got a message from the tummy i chatted with. Which was ending up with another voucher paid out of £30. So this did get me called an angel and she does enjoy the concept of the gift cards which tbh are much nicer. I mean hormones went to me to do this but regrets were on my mind. They had to be forgotten while a 2-hour job next (this was from 6pm) to finish. 

So while chatting to the customer and actually some messaging that same girl, I got home about the 9:30pm mark and also something happened with a project, I got a edp to HDMI kit for about £40 and it was nice to use an old laptop screen from a T-bao which the plastic broken. But in the end the zif connector was on the foam in work. But it means working screens for being able to do things and that means even using PS4 and Xbox in my bedroom, But since of time, it was also a nice warm bath to have on that side. 

The Screens together 

The control panel with the connector 

The food from that night while using it

And then it leads to the beginning of that week. Which starts off witrh another long day, even with a visit which I did not get chance to eat food like my mum brought in a sandwich in from boots and by 4:40pm, I got to get it eaten. That busy. 

The Sandwich and Lucozade

Then it was to do a visit and it was soon time to head out to go home, oh wait it was iPhone details to sort out until 5:50pm and a nice drop off from a customer to a visit which then after more printer sorting, I was to go shopping in Lidl for even more bits and pieces and that worked out just fine with some things. Especially the ones with tempura battered things. 

The nice mini shop from Lidl on the way home. 

This was going too to finally get some bits sorted, which work was still to catch up with one customer after another and things were going to get trickier since the stock was to be booked in and this was including the Gfuel bits, plus the more parts of the fact I had this kid helping out and that was going to be a that stressful part, feels like babysitting and it was a promise to give him the Minty Legends DLC pack as well as crystals as a thank you for the helping out, like fuck, especially with work to be done it was delaying on repairs. This was going to mean one long week.  

Not bad for a first try Wordle 214 4/6 🟩⬛⬛⬛⬛ 🟩⬛🟨⬛⬛ 🟩🟨⬛🟨🟩 🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩

Now, where were we? Well, it seems like long days, leftover food and a box of crisps given to me and shared with that helper that does really always hint at free stuff,  before that time of actually getting to the scary realisation I've fucked up with the bad habits. Plus talking with someone about their spaniel and well me talking about Rosie how she takes up most of my single bed when sleeping is about right, But it was soon to be the last part of talking about that.

The soup with some extra but 

Free Oreos someone left a box of them 

Some leftovers made up from it 

But then it comes to the plan of what happened. So I was checking things and saw something that made me feel a bit lost like it was one of those feelings I've felt back in 2016 of seeing ones loved with others. But it happened and I just felt a bit taken aback. But later on like about 11pm I got a message about thanks for the other night and well pizza was a craving next and apparently hotels on her own, but then it was to sort that out but with BACS it was a case to find out her name, and well, checking things and turns out she is in a relationship with someone else./ Now I should not really let this surprise me but it did and well it's interesting how on feabs shes single but others it's dating this chap and working with him. To be honest it's unsure of where this leads but at some point, I've got to see what the next steps are of knowing if I did the stupid clingy thing to find something to spark without guessing of if things don't work out IRL while I've not had a chance to even go out by me for a proper day out since April last year. 

Anyway, with this information, it was time to realise I've fucked up and well it was a case of trying a self referral via livewest and well they said about 2 weeks for a reply but that would be quicker than I expected to be. But then it was to get back to sleeping and crashing out until 2am and then it was back to being around on Saturday. Also, a tweet reflected the places that changed my life. 

Another Anxious Working weekend 

This was more of the chance to catch up and attempt some work but it was a case of making to look after the kid again and this time it was to deal with reinstalling Windows on a 2012 mac I leant/gave (yes gave due to it being some logicboard issue but turns out it works in one slot of ram) due to the UEFI issue not letting sound to appear. 

The Crisps were the final parts of the packets 

Sorted in between getting other jobs done and this was also the reason to finally deal with having to work on a SUNDAY in JANUARY since it needed that time to catch up, since while working earlier, an iPad screen cracked while trying to screw it out, so that means it has to take the time make it work. So that was that, But visits even on a Sunday were planned which was a warranty from a visit a few days ago. But it was also a case of a new freezer and fridge my parents were getting and this means it was able to get some way to get cold water via filling it up every so often. But to make it easier the night before was some leftover mixed in with black bean sauce on this. Luckily one cancellation means I got some accounts done but I fee WAYY BEHIND on that due to 

The leftovers mixed up with some sourdough bread

Eventually, it was time to catch up and well that was the day of Sunday.  I got up after a fap over dreams of what fun could happen if things were to be but like they are, dreams not memories. So we have to plan or something. But I got up and changed then ran to work and planned to get at least 2 jobs done. So it was first the Xbox and then it was actually a customer to help with some accounts and then It was time to get the iPad finished and that was by 14:40 to finally get it done, which I did and then that finally worked out. So it was a short 20 minute clean before finally leaving the shop and getting the visit sorted out. 

The shop is sort of cleaner in a way. 

But then after that power supply fitted. It was time to go home and well that was mostly it, or I thought. Well, the roast was nice and it was then to make sure the battery was properly charging since it was going to be another long day. I did get an apology for not replying after the pizza and well sure she was asking if I wanted any pics or videos which I did say yes but there might be a delay if I did get any since from only 6 paragraphs ago, it was maybe a chance to video chat to get to know each other while she indulges. Either way, there was routers of a birthday so, it makes me question if I do get something to make effort or should I call her out on this with what I found out or not. 

The days of truth and unsure

So we go to this Monday, it's not as bad as it seems but since non-stop working from last week. But visits were not as bad, So I got the first done and then cycled back up the hill, then it was back to the shop, which it comes to the point of the referral from livewest was not right and it was with Talkworks and actually, they called back when I was on my 3rd Visit on a private number, So having to not make it clear it's for therapy is a skill to keep it quiet. But then it was getting that email later on regarding when the appointment was going to be. AS I checked it from having a late tea by the thinks of things. 15 February (Pancake day and after Valentine)  but that was a Tuesday so No chance and had to email that to cancel. 

Even that meal was nice too as well as the fact it got an interesting mention back. 

the chicken Korma at night to eat while replying 

But then it turns out to then catch up with getting the post up of typing this. Also cuphead memes, FNAF videos and more train clips every so often to enjoy while typing up and even crashing on the sofa. But this was then going to the plan of more stress of one after another, especially as the lock started working as I thought I left work on Monday but no it did not.

Then it ends up the Tuesday, Which to be fair  was another hectic day: 

  • The customer wanted iPad setup, but could not due to info  and arrived before I got to work
  • Calls from one supplier and delivery arrived to my house
  • A Visit after work ended up pretty long
  • Managed to pay money into the bank and purchase lunch for the first time in over a week 
  • iPhones orders from more suppliers to sort out 

The potato dog

But then it was another visit to sort out and that getting a full week booking in that side of things. So it was getting late nights to type this up. But then I got a reply from the talkworks that was quite told that setting time for therapy was important and since of getting this done and the fact that work is getting harder in most cases. I got a chance to have a nice meal after work. 

Leftover gammon stakes and rice muffins

But then it was typing this post up until 1am and then sitting on the toilet, shaking legs and worried about the plans I've got to make and make sure it does not fail. But also that order means a grabtab of a fantasy variety in that way. To be fair my mobile rep is a good chap and helps out a lot even when they were strained due to warehouses back in august. 

The Grabtab for the phone to remind me of the goal I set myself this year

But then it was Wednesday. 

So we begin with waking up at 8:30 and a private number phone call, the therapist called and gave me a bit of a reminder on how to commit time and asked me questions like how I multitask but mention that I either answer the phone while the customer was there or even have to delay a customer but some will wait or not even come back and that brings reputation. 

But in the end of the stressful call and talking he said, "I've got to go to a meeting" so I said "that's ok, goodbye" and just hung up mid-sentence. So it was the impression on his end work pressures were causing the anxiety and that day was then this fucking iPhone 7 all day and even 4 hours later and one customer ignored and having to get the pokemon order and even forgetting to sort the sony order out. I fucked up with a working iPhone 8 screen in an iPhone 7 but the phone just turns off. So that needs to be sorted another time and more screens to order, so fuck. Eventually, I got to the visit 40 minutes later (just a few streets away) then got that done and got home about 7:20 ish which a nice bath to heat up was there. I was starting to dose off and that wasn't good but then it was time for a nice meal of Pie with some veg, salad, and even Duo chocolatey spread too. 

The Pie, salad and spread

But then it was just to watch Youtuber, download some games and finish this. Also, some questions on a curious cat brought a memory of a meetup planned that never happened as what my dating life used to be when they might be moving up north. But that comes to an idea I had to go to rogers for a sort of feeding day out planned, sure taxis expensive and whatnot but it's going to have a lot of obstacles for these things to maybe become real. But I'll have to save up on top of paying what I Owe work since it's not just an instant press and things are free...

But for now, as I type this on Thursday at 1am, it's time for me to go to bed. Let's be fair, there's been no change to the goals or progress. Ok, maybe this month has been only 2 videos up, the preparation for sex I've no e-mail back from the doctor since contacting on New years day and also getting back to things where I might not be actually building something but just going down a rabbit hole of chasing dragons of bonding via feederism. 

for now, I'll try to keep sane a bit more and focus on work to get things sorted maybe, I've been really shouting that to myself lately too.