Saturday, 4 July 2020

Changing choices and the start of the reality - Lockdown Stage 6

We hit the over halfway point of the year. Things are seeming to improve and well I thought there was time for planning a smoother way. but well things were soon to go in the wrong direction. With new things on their way but also major new pressure and facing a lot of anxiety over plans out of my control in a possible way, I don't know what the best will be for me is.


as the last 2 weeks of the halfway point of the year is passing., First, it ends up talking too a girl I used to feed which after telling her a truth, she thought I was a fake FA and also said I didn't trust her but what puzzles me is how can you trust someone you've never met let alone even know her real last name, I mean shes really nice and all but its hard to trust someone without those 2 things which maybe last year and this year taught me how to trust a lot better with people I actually know and meet more than once.

Then after the work bit of shop in Lidl for various bits and food-wise. Sometimes it's needed for it to happen which things will work out in ways of fun and kind. Well, work was getting to be busier more than I realised. 

The nice shopping in Lidl for £18.89. 

But minus the box flap opens it was soon time to get things up and running. But it was then time to have time with the family. Which was nice dogwalking visit and lunch with grandparents, well times are safer now so better to have that chance to make the effort instead of following rules since others have freely broken them? Plus I understand why I write orders down when going to a loud busy pub.

The #dogwalkingwithomracer in a field 

Fish and chips on a Friday afternoon

It was really nice to get that catch-up time and it means a lot sometimes as mich as some family have soon to be bad news in selfish ways. But soon it was time to get an overdue video filmed which was how to build a PC video. Which actually did take longer due to editing and work and also something later on to happen. This was rushed on the end but 2 videos sorted was good progress.

Also, Rip Plasma mouse with the wheel stopping that working 

The parts for that build a PC video 

The PC was built and then for part 2 

As time went on it was something nice with little things such as trying some rice Krispie brownies since chocolate brownies have been a trend at the moment as well.  Like Niamh is selling brownies now that look posh and could help a gainer or some curvage video for another girl which is good too.

Sunday night though there was a massive spike in my left back side which Meade me feel too stuff to move and well it was a pain, ok sure I was watching Spongebob a bit to enjoy it more to get a feel it for to help impress but it was just at that time really too.

before the end of the baking of the brownies

After the brownie was baked 

It was then more time for things to happen while I had to work in between all this which I could tell things will be starting to get busy for me. Sure there was the irritation of a real-life person that was interrupting me in real life when working and non stop DMs about stuff he can't even remember and well it was only a few days left before I decided to block him, I normally don't like to block sine i feel I'm censoring them but some people just can cause the irritation. But

Then it was another hot day and more shopping was needed in this regard. Cat pate was a thing to try and well Finely liked it for the beginning but not as amazing as other foods. Plus some really nice mini sandwiches as well.

A nice scone sandwich 

More bits including Lidl shopping and burger to fry

Frozen fruit for the health bit and some cate pate 

But it was soon time ti have the hair changed and Loreal was the one my mum used and it was also the fun time I had to do her hair and also wait for a delivery of some fence panels as well.

Before the hair cut and dye 

after the hair cut and dry 
Then it was some irritation of it burning when this happened and someone asked if it was half done but I had to plan to buy another hair dye which was sort of the important part of the hair dye. But it was nearing the end of the week, friends to catch up with.

Video editing was to be done but at the cost of well losing the internet on Thursday afternoon, I will admit did realise it was related to Vodafone of all reasons but Sadly things arent as quick to be fixed in time due to second job and the video to upload, so I had to sign up to Smarty to get things right. the 30GB for £10 was a nice way to get things done and with some faulty 4G MiFi device. But Bless origin were happy with things I will admit and only once on the 26th I had to wait a bit longer. I did buy the Archer Vr400 for £45 as an offer which is like £20 off the amazon price.

The time without the real fast non-pebble (would be same speed if using 4g router) the internet did teach me a few things and even some fun moments like play a bit of Crash and get some platinum relics after some attempts.

But then it was nearing the weekend and Pokemon Go and night walking was abound, A family member's fiance went to the hospital but not due to COVID but I'm afraid but she had been selfish and not really trying to fight something she has unlike even other customers, I know that sounds hard but sometimes it's hard to help someone that can't help themselves or make effort back. Oh and Chinese takeout too

catching pokemon near a field 

Night walks 

There were also reminders about the shoes in shoe zone being okay minus s that the insides slipped apart and were so stiff that I grazed myself 3 times when running last year as well as 10 years ago I found out some trainers I liked there were girl trainers. 

Also, it was coming to the point that I forgot how to huge and remember I might of property hugged about 4 people in my adult life.

But then it was the Sunday and was a wet day and work but then it was a walk and well that walk changed me a bit, something was said about moving to a place more remote and parents were deadly serious, which is great for them but it means just more stress to deal with. Like questions of

  • what do you want to do 
  • have you wanted your own place, this place further away has an annexe 
  • Lean-to drive is what you should really do 
  • Have you thought of buying a shop (Not said but implied was: with money you don't have but might have to borrow) instead of renting 
  • Maybe you should have someone take you on (Not said but implied was: get a job aka you work for someone and hope  not  like my first job with them not able to legally pay me) 
  • just think about it 

After that it put me in a bit of a crossroads and well makes me and still made me on edge, life was going to get tough and week maybe I have to make decisions on about the choices I made. 

I did text one friend how I feel about this and well, this was just the raw what I said since its too hard to talk about it 


Parents had a chat with me and they are thinking about moving and like implying I should learn to drive and the place has an outside place for me to be more of my own space and it's made me nervy since of it being way out in the sticks and harder to get to work without relying on buses or driving x
It's about 5 miles further out and well they would shout at me about t since of the roads being dangerous but it's the only road I can use to get o work if I take the shop on x
And well yeah it would be like it's pretty much the middle of nowhere and I've done it before but they would be annoyed at me keep doing and dad was really like you'll be too old to cycle around everywhere soon and you'll need to get like a scooter or a car to do visits c

It's more since my granddad's second home is being sold and all agreed on it and it's like £80 each of my grandad's sons so he wants to use that to help move x
Which I get he needs to do to make him happy but it was the same attitude as my ex boss when he just said of the shop moving 5 years ago and didn't really ask What I wanted to do if o keep with them or not
Like I've said to myself if they are moving I will move out on my own since life is easier with walking distance if needed , like even if I had to sleep in the shop since it's just local to what's needed x
Plus it's on the back of my mind if christea does consider moving with me down here or I move up there too so it's the worry y dad rushes on with this and leaves me having to rush a flat without thinking x
I know where the place its and it's like 45 minutes way by bike x
Well yeah but that every day is going to be painful or rely on them and that will just cause arguments and I'm the type that just would rather end up running if buses are delayed which I've done if I don't cycle x

Well it's whatever it takes too keep it going so no cooking and well deodorant and all but well it's if I take this on and moth it's a big regret if I take the shop on x
And it will be like well I should of not bothered and just done online work but well real life reputation would be ruins and it just stresses me out when he does this x
Like dad was looking at another property and even drove by it to show me but and does little jokes about the place even now it's sale agreee to someone else again x
But I mean if it means I run that's fair but well it's just going to cause rift and bigger arguments about it if they lecture me and then goes too far x
I mean that on top of having to deal with sister might be getting married next year x

This year has been way too much change and just starting to get on top of me a bit.

Pretty much that. So this past week has been a tough one and it was getting started with visits and having to get overdue stock in with phone calls on the middle of the road and Whatsapp messages for that, But it gave me time to start to process what was really making me feel and well this was really going to kick me down on top of one of my customer's panic if I can't visit or decide to start a new life if things are asked in the right way.

The place I had to park with a phone call, 

But this then gives me the lack of motivation and things were getting cancelled work-wise which actually it felt time to reflect but at the time it was messages of where can I see you or even like I want a job back or device fixed which I never fixed but a colleague has to be kept calling to fix things, it just drains on top of what I heard from Sunday.


So time just focused on knuckling down and working to pass the time and to make sure I can be ready for things which are a nice reprieve, I did manage to get the internet back from the origin which was me putting a bad password in. Then on top of that, I got a call from a supplier that's temporarily suspending a service since it's not used enough yet I did get vouchers for uber and just eat for it a few times in the past month but obviously not enough. That Wednesday I also had a message from a girl on kik that really makes no effort but classes that as RP but it shows again how people can give a shit have given and care about me more than anything by calls or meeting more than once 

Then it came to Thursday and Friday and I was getting tired, the word from Directly was getting until 3am vibes and also customers and Rosie were being demanded bless that dog even as she curls up.I did manage a mini morning of dogwalking which was different but still on my mind was choice and this was finally the time to block someone as well as take time to get plans done. 

The feelings and walking by a river 

Rosie curled up as I want to go to bed at 2:30am 

Then it was the Friday and it was just trying to recover, phone called on the up and also some chores to do with mum with some garden waste and realising another pair of jeans has gone within 3 weeks. But well maybe its time to do a clothes shopping vlog when the time is right and i get time which once accounts are done from next week or 3 onwards I can. 

Going to the dump/recycling centre 

The ripped jeans, not the button went off on this one months ago

And then it was a case of working it all out and see what plans will have left for me. But normally is on its way back and well; it can be tough with the choices I've got to happen, sure I've had nightmares about driving lessons and also di did end up self-referring myself for counselling but I don't really have the time to talk so no really replied back to an email asking about the best time for an appointment since it's just going to be that hassle and yes BetterHelp is live text-based but again it's still having to find the time and also knowing that's £65 a week or £200 a month to deal with.

As well as having to pay £40 customs on the laptop that arrived from Maibebenben that I realised Nividia REMOVED NVENC from there MX350 and also some Bluetooth earphones due to cycling and phone calls being a needy thing too. But that will be reviewed at a later date.

But for now, it's coming soon to be the 11th Twitter Anniversary which actually is not really special but also there was a giveaway planned but things did not go to plan as much as I liked them to.

I will keep you updated and a new video or de might appear soon but no plans just yet,. Plug Goose Fair 2020 has been cancelled so fewer blogposts and money and time saved in some ways, but I will or maybe might be in a shop by then