Well this has made a weird fucking change in life, only 11 days ago the world seems much calmer and well things have been actually fucked. Well, we are now in a time of pandemics and social distancing which even in a small town in the UK, that even hits hard which sadly it means for me it will be hard to work and lucky I have directly, but for many, that is a time hardship and stress to come.
Day -1:
So this actually starts a bit earlier as of a Meeting that I went to regarding work on Wednesday, Which my anxiety was high, yes work was busy outside for visits and well we had to listen to the big Bo-Jo mention that schools close and then the meeting concluded people will open. My landlord did ask what the plans were for us. I did say I would close if need be. But that was the end of that,
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Work was hectic for the next 2 days and things were getting busy but then it was Friday, Now also my sister's room was being cleared out so I can do an office and little did we know it was going to be needed soon.
The Office made up
Day 0:
Things were on the scare, rumours of lockdown were going, a cold time was to had, others were leaving and well it was also time to start packing just incase, But gloves for £2.50 and posters out of a cupboard.
The gloves for £2.50 each
A Cupboard to clear
Then it was, later on, the second job was to be done. and during that time, I found out the sad news, and as such well, the time was to end. I had no choice but to pack, with only 3 days to do it. So by that standard, things were to change,
The announcement
But then, it was the beginning to clear, I text my colleague and he was in disbelief a bit (more n that soon). But it was then time. For the clearout to happen
Day 1:
Well, here we are, its time for the clearout to begin, This starts with waking up and chatting, this also starts with the second job until 2am which this really can fuck up my mind, But I got up normal time and the vlog begins:
Now it starts with waking up a bit early well normal half 8 times and then we decide on making sure with the daily routines of vitamins and learning the cat was on a curfew until 6:30pm every night.
The vitamin
Finely wants to go out
Now then, it was soon time to have a little #dogwalkingwithomracer to give toiletries before this was time to clear up. Also, it was a chance ot chat to someone about this all since well feelings.
The first move
By 10:30, we were on the way and the clearout of loads started, chatting to a neighbour about things and ideas about the future but it was soon the first lot cleared.
Games went
More to pack up
Little bits
The trolley was good
A Chocolate brownie has indeed been offered for free
The first load in the car
Then it was time to unload it and a drink to be had, the dog was barking her mouth off and actually, we did get most of it in the bedroom.
A first pile in
More of the pile in
The 2nd run
But soon it was time for the second round and a drink before we left, this was now the IT Stock to go. This was a much quieter time for clearing. But we got it all sorted by pm. Which the.
This was a bit trickier in some ways due to things to take back or not, and also choices with my colleague on what to take but that was another day. But for now, it was this lot
It was getting clear
More of the lower parts
But then it was about 1:10pm and we finally get to get some pasties, Warrens do lush chicken ones for £3.60 each.
The chicken pasties for £3.60 each.
But then it was to Tesco to get bits since of some accounting to do in April. The place was getting tucked out and also things on shelves were next to none to make this work. Milk only had some bits left and also it was also paper that ran out as well s things were to blame and empty. The total came to 9.10 for 3 files, 2 a4 dividers and 1 tub of milk.
The Tesco shop
Then it was time to unload it all and then that was the long haul done. nearly 5 hours it took.
More of the stock
The bottom of the room is now full.
But it was then time to have tea and the admin of the second job, this helped to focus on things. Plans were to be made with jobs and the like and also visit during a time where things might not even happen. But that and cooking tempura-battered burgers were tasty.
Tempura burgers
Ham, tempura burgers, chips, crisps,
But then it was onto the 2nd day.
Day 2:
This was the time of nerves to kick in and also the time that I could realise, But I was off to work by 10:00am. Dropped off a phone to a customer then it was time to pack and then my colleague arrived and we chatted about ideas and started to organise.
First, I had to get on the ladder and use flathead screwdrivers, But sure enough, the signs went down.
Signs to go down
Then it was more to clear out and little bits to scrap and all that. But then my colleague left at 12ish and it was time to fully get some cleaning done.
Time to clean
Now, this was a mixed method of White spirit and also hot water as well as sponges. It was alot of scrubbing and hand washing and strong smells nearly giving me a headache as well.
White Spirit
Cleaning that stuff
So that was that and then it was finally about 1:30ish and it was time for me to pack the small things and head off home.
The signs to carry back
It was a nice heated walk the hills home, sun, some people about and well I got home and then dropped the signs off and have to drop some controller off on the way as well/ But then it was finally lunch of some toasted sandwiches while getting a vlog edited.
The toasted sandwiches.
Then it was that while getting that sorted and worrying about the lockdown that was soon to be starting (before we realised it). But roast gammon is lush too.
The Roast Gammon
Then it was editing until 3am to sort things out. but then it was the day of the edge.
Day 3:
It started off shit, well turns out an argument from admitting a truth which happened /didnt happen back in February and also explains when things are on repeat and apologising for that making me frustrated and all But well it just made the day go bad inside. But I had 2 jobs to sort out and well I got down and did those 2 jobs (actually 3 from dropping an iPad 2 off and having to do it without talking which sometimes shouting "her iPad is in the letterbox" will make sense due to no contact.
But that was all done and the 1st customer was, which on the way I checked former work to see if it had been cleared and it had been minus keys left there, so I took those and said goodbye to a part of my Landlords team. Then walked off to the wholefoods to buy last minute bits. Came to £9.75. Batter mixes, Lemon oil, Thyme Oil.
The batter mixes and the oils.
Then it was money to pay in the post office and then my customer I was meant to see was to the right of me, so we chatted before I went to his to fix printers. Then he dropped me back before 3pm home, A key worker not lost now he can printer, remember that.
Then it was some things to sort and it was time to finally go for a final #dogwalkingwithomracer on the moors with mum since what might follow will stop a shit ton of stuff. It was nice and we chatted about it all, The views were just amazing and not as windy as we thought.
wow
The blue sky was really spring-like
Views for miles
The ground was not soggy
Then I got home and got a few calls made, handed the notice into work and also made £20 from a mobile top-up. Oh and a customer calls me with no internet just before the worst time. But then it was to have tea, then actually type this up, chat online to some chatroom on FF and also then just as I head the bath, I watch. The time of the lockdown is now Well not full lockdown thank heavens but it made me panic from what could happen for work (main job) for the next 3 weeks.
Thanks for sticking with me on this and we will be in videos weekly from April, well outside ones I'm not sure about but 1 hour in the middle of nowhere can go along way.
Well, it been 2 months of 2020 and actually things have been a bit of a shock for me which most things I can't even talk about but well its time for catching up and well also telling how plans went for a week to myself on the first week of March.
February
We leave after the day of Visiting a customer and a potential meetup failing which actually made complete sense and also caused alot of stress due to the events of the fact of the PayPal scam, now things were a bit of a broken state for reasons I can't talk about. But it was actually trying to knuckle down with the work side of things since it was quiet for most customers wise and suppliers I had to pay off and it was taking time to get that sorted But the soles I had from that day out were no way sticking down to the bottom as they should, I used the Zhlainda glue B-7000 to repair it and still to this day as (only 1 month later) it fits and has not moved.
Tried to wear the soles, they got squashed at the top of the inner shoe, the cables work for my phone fine and condoms yet to practice or get taught on how to irl but none of those to eat at all
But it was nice with some good food about with a friend getting me some for loaning her a Huawei mi-fi pebble and also the plans to change my hair were being prepared, It turned out electric blue was to win on this one.
A friend of mine bought me a £4.50ish a chicken and coleslaw sandwich for lunch today along with £1ish for a bag of bacon crisps pic.twitter.com/8jmP102Ak1
Which then from there I had also to sell the Xiaomai 6A due to my dad's laptop screen breaking which means I couldn't use that but it also means it can make it easier to plan to get the right laptop for streaming but saying that as I realise the micro USB Port the tbox Mini plus sadly broke off too. Which that weekend I also had been lectured by CC that you cant feed girls to get them to like you which means I was meant to try a different approach but in some ways, I'm not allowed to explain, I don't have to look for a relationship anymore and I should be waiting and supporting a friend.
But it was also good due to the fact I managed to get the video review for the Mi Band 4 up and its got some lovely quirks with it.
The band
Getting it to charge
But alas with that weekend being away it was working as normal, both jobs with not sleeping until 1am, wasting computer power on a site like Gener8 which yes i've made 500 gener8 currency in a month but I can't even spend it without referring friends and making 2 people click the link . But it was also the time of another storm, #stormciara which means more rain to cope with sadness, which soon the rain was going to be too much for alot of people. For me, it meant just having to cycle a different way home due to a path blocked by a tree.
But it was shortly another customer to help out with and plan then suddenly I get this random phone call from Natwest. So they call and then to tell me that apparently, I had money out of my account according to try them and then we arrange a callback, turns out after arguments and stupid OTP codes, I did get scammed by a Mr Dribbler and a Mr Poroski so that was a panic call to the actual fraud team the morning after and well thank fuck they got that amount back of £1500.
More fraud appears , this time john lewis and argos
So with that happening, it was feeling that maybe things will have to change in the next few weeks and make choices of where I stay and who I settle for and also with new promotions appearing, it was time to order Big mac sauce and for £10.35 I managed to get 5 pots delivered to me.
It was so tempting to not use them all but I did once Pancake day was over. But until then it was also time to get a holder ot use the Note 7 for something new and exciting. Since I was mean to meet and use the tripod with her but well since that meetup never happened. But instead, it gave me a plan,
This was the plan of using the Google camera app for the Note 7 to see if I can make some night photos look amazing and well, I think the results show for themselves, these were taken about midnight. And yes nothing happened for valentines day at all since people that have made the effort were there for me
But it was taking time to get that work sorted. Yes, black Friday was a nightmare due to taking a £4,000 PayPal working capital loan out for work and actually, it took 85 days to pay that. And well the day I paid it off, work had refunds to deal with which means the second job was paying for that due to overdraft concerns. But it sometimes helps to habe that one phone call with that special friend who is there for you but being there for them is important as well.
But sometimes a call with someone can help any of us, mental health is supposed to be you can talk to anyone which can be true, but sometimes support you have to do what you feel is right
But then it was the pots arriving which did cheer me up and it was time to get the taste of Big mac which i've not had since the trip home from London ,
The pots of Big Mac sauce for £10.39
For tonight. Chicken pie, mixed pasta, roast Potatoes dark chocolate biscuits and ketchup pic.twitter.com/OlB0JLvK1u
But the world was braving for the strain of Corona, more floods have devastated the world up the north of the uk which more of these storms are getting common. But ir was also nice to finally have nice late meals after long days at work, since sure Chatting to the amazing friends that help me out and also having reflections about leaving feabie once and for all was on the cards here too.
From last night. Chicken dippers, all bran, fish, all bran, chips, biscuits, big mac sauce and ketchup pic.twitter.com/D4OKkWUVkz
But it was also time to make that new signout pose known, the thumbs-up is now gone since it has to from others used it which gives a bad rep actually, labelling I would class that as actually. But we have it here anyway
Also enjoy the new end of vlog pose I keep trying to do compared to the thumbs up pic.twitter.com/wBVhwndTlh
Now during one of the visits I had that previous weekend, I was meant to play Fortnite with some fans and also the customer, But i've had no room to download fornite and well it means for me its not possible to which that will be in the later months if I decide to do it, since maybe this blog will be for thoughts about things I can talk about soon.
But it also meant I can get an afternoon off to purchase what i need for things to work the way I want them too,
For a £3.83 shop in lidl. £0.99 each for cookie mix, £0.85 for squash and £0.85 for vitamin C tablets pic.twitter.com/ak6plA2629
For a £10.50 shoo in tesco. 3 bags of frozen fruit for £5.00. £2.00 for fajita kit, £1 each for American pancake mix, £0.75 each for Hunters sauce pic.twitter.com/sgNuwm2Woz
But also it was turning out that family treasures to be sold off and also a cancer time developed with my grandad's fiance which is something that will always affect others and things will take their turn for the worse especially if the motivation is not there, but we can always hope, but with news that will hurt me in ways I won't realise just yet, that might cheer her spirits.
But then it was Pancake Day. Finally, time to use the tripod for filming I thought, but sadly glass was not for this one
But it was some nice combos and filling to say the least, I did use a whole box to myself so like 8 pancakes made 3.
The Pancakes
It was a shame glass messed up when wanting to film it, but we got around it in the end.
Then it was finally the last few days in Feburary, more delays on repairs making stress high and work bills being there and making trouble for me later in this year. Friends also having the times i can't talk about but it gave me a memory of the events of what happened with Charley when the last day I ever saw her. But what I was not prepared for, on who it was meant to remind me of.
I was caining the second job and making that money for someone special too. But there were new things on TV, I was in the south Park binging since my NowTV entertainment pass for sharing was never well shared. But you have ot focus to make that money for plans you will have to go through to make it work.
Another night I've finished work of both sides. And one day I i can't not wait to relax with someone and cuddle in while watching #MewtwoStrikesBackEvolution
We now headed into March after solving customer questions and well things were going to be changing
March
Well, first things first, I left feabie, it was time to move on, things never worked out on that site and really from how much i've spent on girls from there (over £1000 in 5 years) and really i've only ever met 7 people from there and only 2 I met on a one and one basis (well actually 1 if you forget one since I knew her before feabie since I introduced her to it).
Yes, it was time to leave feabie and start changes to finally see if something real can happen since the incidents and also a feeling either Karla never existing which broke me along with various changes that community puts up with and also that fact with it was taking too much of my time up as well. But that 1 am time was a chance to leave
That time to leave
Then it was onto getting the Scale filmed and that didn't turn out too bad, of course, it has a simple use and also makes it easier but well I did get new batteries for it from work., But also it was good ot fit a better master socket to improve the broadband.
Before the socket
Fitted and cable from the shop/lockup
The Scale
The stats
When it leads me to the next few days by myself, which sadly I was working for most of them, but I managed to finally get the scaled video done but that was a delay in its own right since customers we're calling me up from work left right and centre and even had fo pop out just after I got home, which then I just had food and then relaxed and crashes out. But I did take the dog our and did some more amazing night shots
That is night vision there
The shooting stars and the sun
The purple skiy
Then t comes to the Tuesday and it ass a long day at work with various bits fo sorting out and also paying for orders I shouldn't have purchased which out rent and things later than normal but it all got paid in the end, like yes I felt it was bad but that was the night I got the video up at 5 am since Wednesday was looking like a day off as far as I know. Then Wednesday I woke up at 10:30 after fapping and only 4 hours sleep, since it was just too hitting for me to deal with and a new Sony rep called and we chatted for a bit before I walked Rosie for more balls as usual.
The first thigh was craving for a sausage and bacon sandwich which was to be cooked via the sandwich maker and we'll people did not like the preparation of that, not one bit, but it was nice to eat even if I should have left if cooking for longer than the 10 minutes indeed
Preparing the toastie
But then it was finally time to get something done, by done I mean the hair audit was a tricky one to film without the risk of staining the house in blue
but I managed it in small forms and got it bleached first, a bit of string was the first to happen but that's due to the haircut I was sadly having on Sunday before this occurred.
The bleaching started
Another pose with the blonde hair
Then if as time came for the blue and thay I did outside since it was easier to cope with the effects around instead of having it inside the house, but then it was time for one last dog walking and also then editing for the night and then a friend was going to call so we could catch up on what has happened which I'm not allowed to say
Now as well as this, it turns out that I could have the chance fo cook something amazing which I did with tempura battered seaweed, chips and also then some chicken rest for good measure sd well since I was hungry.
Insert pics here
Then it was the Thursday and bother day in work and also a camera to set up so rip the mi camera since that was going to a better place for a customer to feel safe.
Then I got home and more dogwalking commenced which was casual and then it was finally some time off chores and also clothes to organise and jeans to cut, which I did that while watching birds of prey, sonic, then MIb International which then less me fo finish at all at 2:30 am and yes no productivity was poor and I should have done more but soon I get to.
Insert pics here
Then it was the final day and I was happy, I felt myself again with lush hair and also cut jeans even in the cold weather but I felt I could work and then sure a big of arguments probably happening after work when I got home but little did I know I was in for a feeling of major anxiety,
The shoes and the cut jeans
Now then, I come home and walk Rosie on tv railway kind this time to make it easier and see some views of muddy cuttings a preparing for what could happen but then they arrived and got greeted and no drama about the hair. we caught up and charred. Rosie was being back fo fully normal in this case. Also, they had starburst which I nearly ate the best of the contents in the packed since the fruit gum add amazing.
The muddy path
The views of the other side of Tavistock
Sooner after the onion and got chocolate omelette, my sister's boyfriend came over and we all chatted and then had said something and my sides just flared up in anxiety. He asked for me dad's blessing to marry and those 3 were talking and he did say to me ill look after her but that's not what was making me on edge.
well since it was this time 5 years ago Charley got engaged which hurt and also since it also reminded me of how I lost Emma it just makes me realise I can't feel comfortable going to the wedding and I need to firmly write to her on not being involved, sooner rather than last minute but I know if I go through with this and end up by myself at that wedding it will fucking hurt and if something between me and someone doesn't work out then well I don't know what ill do and well it just puts me in nerve edge about it all.
but all I can say at the point is if night be the closure of walking away with no goodbye that can really affect me and yes I never had the chance and just had to move on but it comes to a point where being in your own just can't bring you happiness and yes it's a problem that I might have to get therapy for this and also to be able to understand the sex aspect like why something simple like a condom is difficult to use and how sex works plus so I can understand what to do and so I can cope being there which sounds fucking stupid but sometimes it's either that or something like a sick note
I mean I completely understand why the engagement is going to happen but it's just for me a fragile time and memories and if just feels like it's 2020 going on 2015 with repeat and I feel the best for me is to just distance myself from situations like this and also yes I mean recently I've learned a lot of things and we'll feel close to finding love but hurdles can feel too much
But then if was working n the Saturday and realising things im going to have to deal with and work has been piling up so it's not being anything fo do but the time restraint are not there the tea and evening that let me get the second job done to make some money.
But Sunday came and still a bit of crying from worries in my head and it was nice to take and get some things and like walk the dog and clean the bike, but as we were walking, my dad nearly chucked the dogs ball in rope at my mom and when she was not happy about it histories off back to the car and both of us followed, so only waking for 12 minutes. Then if wax a pasty for lunch and then they went out so I had the chance to clean the bike
The bike before cleaning
The present for my nan
The bike too alot of spraying and cleaning int various losses I don't normally clean but the sun was then a shower then another bit of sun and nice to have google home blasting out my favs sings youtube playlist eventually an hour and a bit later it was all sorted.
after the bike clean
Then since fine ass out it took a bit longer to prepare to go to my hands for an early birthday visit, but we left at 4:29 odd and then we caught up and chatted for a few hours, so I was falling asleep a bit when mum was casting the pics of the trip to the tv. Eventually, it ass 6 pm and we made our day home but got an android tv box from my grandad so I could use some app I was setting up in customers fire tv stick after he had an amazing idea of a mast with wireless for a better 4G signal.
on the way back
But then was got home and it was to get things sorted out and that box was setup since of the box mini using the same power cable then tea and a bath before things were to be typed up before a long day of working on Monday.
Then it as a Monday, I felt tired and drained and yet it was another visit go Calstock, like meters be honest here I was planning to try again as I did a month ago but since both of us haven't talked since the 28th I just felt there was no point to ask so it was a visit and bus home after upgrading from vista to 10 which is at least a 4-hour job it took 7 hours, just after the wifi started to work and then I was in the rain to catch the last bus home.
And there we have it, thin
It was also nice to chat to a really good friend I did make on feabie and ended up getting a £26.99 platter which was from a just eat gift card for someone else but I and she didn't talk much even though I try to reach out to her so meeting probably might never happen.
But actually, it took 7 hours, just after the wifi started to work and then I was in the rain to catch the last bus home and I did get it luckily,
Then it was time to greet parents and see how they were and if my sister did get engaged but I've not seen that on WhatsApp so lucky so far. But then it was a nice takeout or just something battered before I relaxed and then prepared for work as normal tomorrow
Well there we got and sadly, there has been no improvement on the New Year resolutions and well it didnt work out which hopefully that will change but now of this news, it will be unlikely.
I will see you soon and fill you in when i managed to start therapy for the anxiety.
