Thursday, 27 January 2022

A almost 2 week disasters and catchup

 So it's only been just over the 2 weeks since the jab and the past week has felt from hell, but things are going back to a search for things and maybe it's going back to the stress of it all and there were more challenges that were to lie ahead, since getting back to work was going to be a tough one. But there have been some times to get other things sorted out.  But we can only start with what's been given. 

The Final weekend off of the year so far...

So let's start off with that weekend after the first jab, which actually it was a better one than expected, well sort of. So There was friday which actually I went over to grandparents to get their freezer fixed since it was left on over freeze and that was to be cleared as well as some other parts with the Portal TV not working as it should do.  But it meant to have a nice pasty from Premier in the shops nearby, the chicken flavour was really good. 

The village to drop things off with 

But this was also the case of getting things to deal with MORE calls from work and this was for a visit that ended up going to be stressful, plus more of the fact of other calls while some chores with the freezer to clear out. then it was the case of actually Insurance providers calling up and they were a pain in the ass to call and when customers were still calling up, it did not help, but the end game of that was a £365 for the year but only £30.65 was paid due to them not being able to offer a single payment.

But then it lead to just more things to prep up and with new things to look forward to but at the same time, it was soon to learn a scarry worry of another thing on top, so parents were looking to move and it was to the middle of nowhere and a fair time away to cycle to work (Morwellham) and this would have made it harder to get to work if running or end up using the bike every day. But that was on my mind as well as trying to hopefully sort out the chance to get the confidence with the anxiety thats been dragging me down lately.  But it goes to a nice bit of tea and actually it's a case of struggling to think straight, especially as to how busy Work wa going to be next week and how systems were not going to work. 

But then it leads to Saturday and actually I got the chance to work online for most of the day Since parents drove to load the freezer back at nan and grandads. But it was a nice opportunity to get some bits done and some phone calls were still to be sorted out as well  But it goes to the lasting of actually getting my first message on feabie, from a girl in the US and well it was her wanting to do an online feeding session aka buy her food/send money then we chat while she eats. I mean that i've not done in a LONG while, like even in the days of facetime with a girl named Sophie but over 8 years ago. that was from Plym or even Saltash but that was in the immature stages of both of us, But either way since it was us-based, it was a no from me.

The Smoothie 

The bacon with egg

But as the ran poured down, It felt nice to finally make the sense of the time to finally work and work and online to get some money back from what was to happen and oh boy it was going to be more and very expensive. But it was especially some nervewracking moments with beng that choice of having to move in the next few weeks maybe, Well i didn't realise that until the day after, But that could changes things for the worse and well, it was going to get worse in some ways VERY quickly. But it just felt like a blur in that regard. But it was then nice to have something different for tea on that side of things, fuck I cant even remember what I'm typing and probably need to look at the pictures, but it was nice to make some Chilli based tacos with mum and dad. 

The Pasta with Chilli and some taco shells with the Salsa and some rice cakes too. 

But it comes to the final day and this then leads to having to get some bits an pieces done and this was the first time to finally get a video filmed and it was the first review of the year, this was going to be the Vlogging kit, which I did get some time to finally film. 

This i've still not used since the filming of this due to how things were going to turn out, but it means actually this is going to be a good piece of kit and I might be able to shove it into my pocket to use for the future but it's not looking like I'll get to travel (for longer times like a holiday) this year so maybe it will be a while until I get to use it, and even with a grabtab to order to make it fit, well it will some side steps. 

The front of the Box

When its fully setup 

Using the camera 

A selfie using it

So then it comes to that being filmed and sure the dog has its moments of barking which you did hear in the video but that was then time to also enjoy some time with family, like its the case of doing some things like shopping with them, since yes I know I have been overdue on things but its a case of how things could end up and especially after with a dog walking. But well, there was a hope things will fall through with a moving, but thats for later on. 

The Jacket potato with beans and ham for that lunch

So then it leads to eventually trying to start to get the video editing done for it since well, this was going to the be the goal to get done in the time of it, this was NOT looking likely and things were going to superfuck themselves up to non normal.  Sure that messages from Feabie sudden disappeared shortly after saying no for some online feeding between here and the US, like the feabie profile literally says not interested and soon we will end up making more mistakes with potential hopefuls but well lets get to this in the right order. 

That intense first week back. 

So we start of with monday, with brakes which were actually more loose and even with a bit of tightening was not working with that down hill, plus its raining at that time, So I skidded down the lane and luckily did not hurt anything, but was then a nice catchup with my regular customers and they were not as happy with that's happening, but actually I had to help them for a bit longer which then lead to the next visit just up the hill and you know what, boom the bike battery died again since it was disconnecting when soaked. But then it was another customer with a quick turned 30 minutes to then another customer with regards to checking a few things out with a printer and so on and so forth. 

This eventually lead to the 4pm mark and it was time to go ot the final 2 visits which well, one was a nice little lesson with a regular and then the other comes to the fact of getting in the dark cycle to a crossroads, which actually I'll end up going a few more times in the next 2 weeks, but after leaving around the 7:30ish mark, I was finally home. Which then it was time to have a late night mashup of food. 

But then it leads to another long visit to the same location as other times and well this is where shit hits the fan, since it was a hetic day of one after another, to the point I cant even remember, form email by my xbox rep to even having to book in an iPad repair that nearly took 2 weeks to repair and still with me as well as other orders and things I dont really understand. 

But this is where I get a last minute whatsapp from the past since she was stranded in Launcetston and wanted £35 for a taxi, so that was done, which I then got to the Visit and TURNED AWAY AGAIN since this customer did not get the right confirmation. So it means cycling in the dark and STILL waiting for a text back after getting that sent over, since the issue goes of paying to the point I could not use starling due to them blocking the account (Not mine) a few months and now at some point its a time to get  to see if I do try to meet up with them, but from some chatter it could be a complex try. 

Anyway I decided to get some bits from Lidl on the way back since there were some good deals on, like more of the sauces and the cheesecakes I did see and was used for some flirting later on in the few days time, But then it was time to get some decent sauces in Tesco since the imported food like Itsu and even some Nandos sauces were on offer, like the extra mild peri peri ones. 

The Cheesecakes that soon I was to tease someone about - at an expensive way to flirt

The shop from Tesco from the extra mild wraps to the Little moons on clubcard deal 

After I left lidl to go to Tesco, I did get a text saying I got home safely so that was that and getting home laate was  just the common side of it.

But that out of the way, it was going to get worse, sure I felt things were quiet and they were since it seems did not change over a schedule which sure helped me with getting repairs done, money paid in and even some GPUs to post off via amazon. 

A nice lunch and soon to be final one purchased until next week or even 2 weeks later. 

At a cost of nearly 86 Calls when I found out calls were not being passed through to me, Including Paymentsense, Really fucking trying to follow up from the rep that came in with no mask (changed name on card compared to when she added me on facebook to try to passively pressure to join it) and I just say to them thats enough and then they understood and as far a I still know, have not had a call from them since, which is good. But then it was also getting to a visit to deal with which is the normal way of things, But it was also a time of Morrisons doing thee really nice mince beef hotpots and its going to be a few of them over the next few weeks from the sounds of it, but leftovers make it so nice. 

The minced beef hotpot 

A locked out Friday: 

So its the 14th January, and I end up working to go to get to the door and it turns out its wedged in and this was going to be really shit, so turns out after getting some screwdrivers to chisel it in and I was no way going to, calling locksmiths was a case of fucking pass the buck, until 1 offered to visit at 5pm, another from woolwell actually offered. So I then ran home and got there about the 11:30 mark, well back home.. 

Panic via a screwdriver

But then after some calls to deal with and walking Rosie in the cold blue sky with the sun being out, and then it was the time to run back to the shop to get this door unlocked which actually took about an hour, well 10 minutes for the door to open but the rest was actually getting the lock to actually work. But then it was more calls to sort out and actually some visits were pushed in, so it ended up 3 visits after the locksmith left and a £119.44 fee to pay. Calls were coming and and i was shaking in some and most ways and well its a case of things.

But then it was time to deal with those visits and then off to Lidl to spend more money, but Monitor risers are a thing and £12.99 is a good sign, I did not and still not had a chance to build it yet. Also the Funnyuns I've had before and were nice, especially as they are a nice tang to it. The Vitamins are on offer for 15% off/ so 4 of them were really needed. 

The mini lidl shopping

So then it was time to get home and crash out from the long day, There was a nice delayed fish and chips to have along with some of the Frikadellen which is really nice. 

The fish and chips as well 

So this of evenings was coming to be a weird one or start of what would be me falling down a fucking whole of a simp feeder. So I commented on a status about feeding and chatting to people, I get that and pretty much said 

ts so simple but soo hard to reach for, heck feeding and asking how your day was is a mega cute goal

So this lead to a DM from the OP, which actually meant the chance to maybe video chat even, of course not straight away, thats too entitled for sure, but a chance to enjoy feederism again in terms of well, actually more than just getting food and seeing a bit of the after-effect of it, especially as she is a 23 stone 23 year old which is nice. But we chatted and well that lead to the day after being a Just eat gift card at work to get. She was busy to reply which again is fair, but turns out it wasn't enough to get some deserts from Rassams or somewhere like that. 

But then it was to cope with that realisation I could have started a step into the bad past and well, that was just the small stepping stone to mistakes. So this then leads to the weekend. 

The weekend to finally take a bit of pressure off. 

Well I say that and it was going to be a bit of a problem, since I had to finally start to get this iPad still finally sorted out, which was going to take itself a bit of time to do and it was meaning to focus and well If this was not sorted, it was meaning the Sunday to do, Luckily on my end it was the case of having to get a visit done in the evening which was overdue due to the issue of the phone, But that was a lucky case of getting that sorted which meant I could have that Sunday off.  But also it was a case of getting some brake pads from the next door to work. 

But getting back in the fresh cold air around 6:30pm was time to then have some tea and more online work to get money in for the week ahead, especially as soo things were REALLY going to be expensive. Which actually, since of the jobs caught up, I can take sunday off which I finally wanted to get that done. So after a nice potato salad breakfast sub.

but instead, it was a nice trip to go to see my grandparents and it was nice to have a bit of help with finding keys for their mobility scooters. Which is ok and well I had time to apologize in the air to someone I feel i've let down but I didn't 

The Minced Beef hotpot again 

But then it was time to get home and finally starting to get the bike ready for yet another long day tomorrow on that side of things, so me and dad helped get the brake pads on before it was the chance for it to be the cleaned, which some hot water in a bucket to make the hands feel weird as usual from the saturation i think. But it was needed with only 2 weeks ago I cleaned the bike and turned the brakes up to put it by the tyre to make it stop much easier. 

The brake pads 

But after that it was soon getting to be dimpsy and a dog walking in the evening was the case here, well  still visible at 4:30 was quite rare and well its a sign of the times being lighter. Which for me is the case of being silent and reflecting on what was to be the down to the mistakes made and how bad choices were going to be in  my mind for that. 

Rosie with another dogwalk 

But then it was time to have a roast dinner and also it was nice to start talking at night to another girl, and this was ending up about iPhone cables like the Mophie ones and the iParts4u ones and then it was talking until like 1:30am or 2. There was chatter from another part later on but that was the monday for that to happen. 

The Roast chicken for that tea 

The Second week of intense parts

Then it was time to deal with the cycles and I thought it was a case of the battery being charged but sadly that was not the case in this regard. Since it did not charge very well and this was going to show. The weather turned bright but it was COLD and Crisp and that means ICE. So it was to tread carefully as I cycled to the first visit, which was the hill; nearby, the road was closed so it was another road which past an allotment I've not been since last year or even 2020. But Walking down that hill was nice to take things a bit easier for the most part, but That one slip could mean everything so Taking that time is vital. 

Then it was another text from a second job colleague who does mostly ask me to helps on HIS live chats with customers, but then it was time to cycle up the hill for another job to get one checked out, which was some small questions here or there before finally getting to another job to get the antennas sorted. that sort of work in the end with some testing and climbing small ladders, i'm realizing I have inherited my dad's fear of heights. Also, LFTS in the wallet is becoming useful. 

 But after that, it was then time to head off for one more visit or was it 2, no wait it was ALOT LONGER, so it ended up getting to another visit and that was for sorting out a printer issue which then I got to the shop about 6, which then it was the time to get chatting for the like 30 minutes I had to do some admin in the dark in the shop and the tickle inside me got a message from the tummy i chatted with. Which was ending up with another voucher paid out of £30. So this did get me called an angel and she does enjoy the concept of the gift cards which tbh are much nicer. I mean hormones went to me to do this but regrets were on my mind. They had to be forgotten while a 2-hour job next (this was from 6pm) to finish. 

So while chatting to the customer and actually some messaging that same girl, I got home about the 9:30pm mark and also something happened with a project, I got a edp to HDMI kit for about £40 and it was nice to use an old laptop screen from a T-bao which the plastic broken. But in the end the zif connector was on the foam in work. But it means working screens for being able to do things and that means even using PS4 and Xbox in my bedroom, But since of time, it was also a nice warm bath to have on that side. 

The Screens together 

The control panel with the connector 

The food from that night while using it

And then it leads to the beginning of that week. Which starts off witrh another long day, even with a visit which I did not get chance to eat food like my mum brought in a sandwich in from boots and by 4:40pm, I got to get it eaten. That busy. 

The Sandwich and Lucozade

Then it was to do a visit and it was soon time to head out to go home, oh wait it was iPhone details to sort out until 5:50pm and a nice drop off from a customer to a visit which then after more printer sorting, I was to go shopping in Lidl for even more bits and pieces and that worked out just fine with some things. Especially the ones with tempura battered things. 

The nice mini shop from Lidl on the way home. 

This was going too to finally get some bits sorted, which work was still to catch up with one customer after another and things were going to get trickier since the stock was to be booked in and this was including the Gfuel bits, plus the more parts of the fact I had this kid helping out and that was going to be a that stressful part, feels like babysitting and it was a promise to give him the Minty Legends DLC pack as well as crystals as a thank you for the helping out, like fuck, especially with work to be done it was delaying on repairs. This was going to mean one long week.  

Not bad for a first try Wordle 214 4/6 🟩⬛⬛⬛⬛ 🟩⬛🟨⬛⬛ 🟩🟨⬛🟨🟩 🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩

Now, where were we? Well, it seems like long days, leftover food and a box of crisps given to me and shared with that helper that does really always hint at free stuff,  before that time of actually getting to the scary realisation I've fucked up with the bad habits. Plus talking with someone about their spaniel and well me talking about Rosie how she takes up most of my single bed when sleeping is about right, But it was soon to be the last part of talking about that.

The soup with some extra but 

Free Oreos someone left a box of them 

Some leftovers made up from it 

But then it comes to the plan of what happened. So I was checking things and saw something that made me feel a bit lost like it was one of those feelings I've felt back in 2016 of seeing ones loved with others. But it happened and I just felt a bit taken aback. But later on like about 11pm I got a message about thanks for the other night and well pizza was a craving next and apparently hotels on her own, but then it was to sort that out but with BACS it was a case to find out her name, and well, checking things and turns out she is in a relationship with someone else./ Now I should not really let this surprise me but it did and well it's interesting how on feabs shes single but others it's dating this chap and working with him. To be honest it's unsure of where this leads but at some point, I've got to see what the next steps are of knowing if I did the stupid clingy thing to find something to spark without guessing of if things don't work out IRL while I've not had a chance to even go out by me for a proper day out since April last year. 

Anyway, with this information, it was time to realise I've fucked up and well it was a case of trying a self referral via livewest and well they said about 2 weeks for a reply but that would be quicker than I expected to be. But then it was to get back to sleeping and crashing out until 2am and then it was back to being around on Saturday. Also, a tweet reflected the places that changed my life. 

Another Anxious Working weekend 

This was more of the chance to catch up and attempt some work but it was a case of making to look after the kid again and this time it was to deal with reinstalling Windows on a 2012 mac I leant/gave (yes gave due to it being some logicboard issue but turns out it works in one slot of ram) due to the UEFI issue not letting sound to appear. 

The Crisps were the final parts of the packets 

Sorted in between getting other jobs done and this was also the reason to finally deal with having to work on a SUNDAY in JANUARY since it needed that time to catch up, since while working earlier, an iPad screen cracked while trying to screw it out, so that means it has to take the time make it work. So that was that, But visits even on a Sunday were planned which was a warranty from a visit a few days ago. But it was also a case of a new freezer and fridge my parents were getting and this means it was able to get some way to get cold water via filling it up every so often. But to make it easier the night before was some leftover mixed in with black bean sauce on this. Luckily one cancellation means I got some accounts done but I fee WAYY BEHIND on that due to 

The leftovers mixed up with some sourdough bread

Eventually, it was time to catch up and well that was the day of Sunday.  I got up after a fap over dreams of what fun could happen if things were to be but like they are, dreams not memories. So we have to plan or something. But I got up and changed then ran to work and planned to get at least 2 jobs done. So it was first the Xbox and then it was actually a customer to help with some accounts and then It was time to get the iPad finished and that was by 14:40 to finally get it done, which I did and then that finally worked out. So it was a short 20 minute clean before finally leaving the shop and getting the visit sorted out. 

The shop is sort of cleaner in a way. 

But then after that power supply fitted. It was time to go home and well that was mostly it, or I thought. Well, the roast was nice and it was then to make sure the battery was properly charging since it was going to be another long day. I did get an apology for not replying after the pizza and well sure she was asking if I wanted any pics or videos which I did say yes but there might be a delay if I did get any since from only 6 paragraphs ago, it was maybe a chance to video chat to get to know each other while she indulges. Either way, there was routers of a birthday so, it makes me question if I do get something to make effort or should I call her out on this with what I found out or not. 

The days of truth and unsure

So we go to this Monday, it's not as bad as it seems but since non-stop working from last week. But visits were not as bad, So I got the first done and then cycled back up the hill, then it was back to the shop, which it comes to the point of the referral from livewest was not right and it was with Talkworks and actually, they called back when I was on my 3rd Visit on a private number, So having to not make it clear it's for therapy is a skill to keep it quiet. But then it was getting that email later on regarding when the appointment was going to be. AS I checked it from having a late tea by the thinks of things. 15 February (Pancake day and after Valentine)  but that was a Tuesday so No chance and had to email that to cancel. 

Even that meal was nice too as well as the fact it got an interesting mention back. 

the chicken Korma at night to eat while replying 

But then it turns out to then catch up with getting the post up of typing this. Also cuphead memes, FNAF videos and more train clips every so often to enjoy while typing up and even crashing on the sofa. But this was then going to the plan of more stress of one after another, especially as the lock started working as I thought I left work on Monday but no it did not.

Then it ends up the Tuesday, Which to be fair  was another hectic day: 

  • The customer wanted iPad setup, but could not due to info  and arrived before I got to work
  • Calls from one supplier and delivery arrived to my house
  • A Visit after work ended up pretty long
  • Managed to pay money into the bank and purchase lunch for the first time in over a week 
  • iPhones orders from more suppliers to sort out 

The potato dog

But then it was another visit to sort out and that getting a full week booking in that side of things. So it was getting late nights to type this up. But then I got a reply from the talkworks that was quite told that setting time for therapy was important and since of getting this done and the fact that work is getting harder in most cases. I got a chance to have a nice meal after work. 

Leftover gammon stakes and rice muffins

But then it was typing this post up until 1am and then sitting on the toilet, shaking legs and worried about the plans I've got to make and make sure it does not fail. But also that order means a grabtab of a fantasy variety in that way. To be fair my mobile rep is a good chap and helps out a lot even when they were strained due to warehouses back in august. 

The Grabtab for the phone to remind me of the goal I set myself this year

But then it was Wednesday. 

So we begin with waking up at 8:30 and a private number phone call, the therapist called and gave me a bit of a reminder on how to commit time and asked me questions like how I multitask but mention that I either answer the phone while the customer was there or even have to delay a customer but some will wait or not even come back and that brings reputation. 

But in the end of the stressful call and talking he said, "I've got to go to a meeting" so I said "that's ok, goodbye" and just hung up mid-sentence. So it was the impression on his end work pressures were causing the anxiety and that day was then this fucking iPhone 7 all day and even 4 hours later and one customer ignored and having to get the pokemon order and even forgetting to sort the sony order out. I fucked up with a working iPhone 8 screen in an iPhone 7 but the phone just turns off. So that needs to be sorted another time and more screens to order, so fuck. Eventually, I got to the visit 40 minutes later (just a few streets away) then got that done and got home about 7:20 ish which a nice bath to heat up was there. I was starting to dose off and that wasn't good but then it was time for a nice meal of Pie with some veg, salad, and even Duo chocolatey spread too. 

The Pie, salad and spread

But then it was just to watch Youtuber, download some games and finish this. Also, some questions on a curious cat brought a memory of a meetup planned that never happened as what my dating life used to be when they might be moving up north. But that comes to an idea I had to go to rogers for a sort of feeding day out planned, sure taxis expensive and whatnot but it's going to have a lot of obstacles for these things to maybe become real. But I'll have to save up on top of paying what I Owe work since it's not just an instant press and things are free...

But for now, as I type this on Thursday at 1am, it's time for me to go to bed. Let's be fair, there's been no change to the goals or progress. Ok, maybe this month has been only 2 videos up, the preparation for sex I've no e-mail back from the doctor since contacting on New years day and also getting back to things where I might not be actually building something but just going down a rabbit hole of chasing dragons of bonding via feederism. 

for now, I'll try to keep sane a bit more and focus on work to get things sorted maybe, I've been really shouting that to myself lately too. 


Thursday, 6 January 2022

An Anxious Start to 2022

 Already things feel like 2022 is going off to a bad start and this also leads to maybe the resolutions being different to see if there have been a good chance of completing some of them since I know that has not been the case but at least I tried. But this goes over the next 3 days before the first week which is supposed "supposed" to be a week but what will happen I do not know. but this then leads to more of things I do not know. Especially now things are feeling back to before 2019 in some ways and 2021 in others. 

But there is no music  video from 2021, things came at me 2 fast and to be honest , it was like the last hour of the year with Both the parts of the review of the year have been uploaded. 

New Years Day: 

So it was the final minutes of 2021, and I had to finish uploading some of the pics from before christmas due to not uploading pics from the 23rd and being delayed on that due to trying to rush up the posts and then post the new years and it was one comment I might of said that had my dad tell me to "go fuckmyself then mate" when i was edgy and he asked me who i was texting when I said "I don't trust you", he then went off and we watched the LED display on BBC one. 

The Big Ben for it 

Now from this fallout it put me even more on nerves since with the next few days and what could transpire it felt like this was going to make it worse and texting someone to say happy new year is important even though no reply. But this was also the tense moment of that while deciding if i have the energy to get the music video editing, which I did not in the end. This maybe was a mistake and maybe it was a case to then text another friend and we chatted about things and well, the truth was told and she did give some advice which later on I would end up knowing I've got to do.  

Eventually I woke up with the alarm at 8am which made it a bit easier and stress was still on my mind and then trying to chat in FF and it just feel the same as years of chasing people that maybe do not exist, and well i ended up doing something I will end up maybe saying is the first regret of the year. Signing back up to Feabie. Now there was actually a complication which Still keeps me in a better chance of not regretting but that was to be getting the phone number verified and well, there was no text that got sent, even hours later it did not arrive, and it was not just on one number but another. So that means maybe I will have to ignore that. 

Then I got up and it was time to have a bit of breakfast of a nice toasted chroizo and chocco nusaa sandwich which is to keep me energy going, as well  as getting the chance to upgrade my steambox to have 8GB of ram from a discount i gave a customer for fitting a motherboard to a new case in exchange for that stick. Then it was a walk with mum in the field for how things are and we talked about dad and last night and i think he's concerned about me still being able to survive on the single jab and it made me even more nerves for what was about to happen later on.

The Stick of Vengeance ram

The Chocco nussa and Chorizo sandwich 

But this is when things get tense as I import some footage to the macos side of things,  and then a call comes out regarding neighbours of grandparents and then it was a massive argument about them coming with me to get the jab and especially as I panicked from being in the GP in less than 3 days ago and also the chance that Home Park is not offering it for the Tuesday, it means it might have to be that pharmacy nearby i booked, I mean why the FUCK can't  this be offered in a PHARMACY which is less than 5 MILES away which there are some JABS being done in RESTAURANTS for convenience. But this makes me shakey for most of the day and even when texting after this and was also the change of me to finally get changed to then go and see grandparents which I finally emailed the NHS contact i was last with back in August to book this to finally sort out the penis and well it has lead to other anxieties starting to grow on me for this side. 

But with that Email sent with a lot of spelling mistakes, it was the time to go to nans and I was still shaking from earlier. it was not going to go away and still lingers for the rest of the day, but we get there and unload the roast before it was chatting and time to get it dished up. It was a nice roast turkey with some bacon wrapping and the potatoes as well. I was a bit less on edge while eating this.

The food in the towels while being wrapped up 

The Roast turkey with the extras  as well 

Then it was time to do some chores and get things like the plates cleaned, the bird table was filled up with bread while dad building another bird feeder and then it was then time to clean the windows which had seagul poo at various parts, but eventually it was time to get the Portal re-checked which for some reasons did not mention as to why it did not work out. But with a few calls later, it was sorted and ready to work but his number was not in service either.  But eventually we got home , the  shakes were kicking in a tiny bit and as we walked Rosie, only just to the railway line. But  then it makes 
my time to realise things were going to be worse and more rough. But with that doe, it was time to relax and type this up while worrying about the next week at least. But it was some nice leftovers such as chicken pie with nachos and even some chorizo too. 

Some of the leftovers for the tea on new year

But then it was taking my mind off things, still waiting for a text to get a code and also typing this post up while watching TV with parents, as well as the typing up of this post while watching FNAF videos, and sometimes it is a fucked up horror affair for it. 

Typing the posts up and watching videos and TV at the same time 

It was only 2 days left until things were going to fel scary but it will be the first night I did not have to rush to type things up and did not have to do things overnight, that will be back to normal next week ocne feeling better maybe. But then it was on to another day.

The second of Jan:

Well this was a long night, from chatting  until about 1am online to sonome with a 32x cup apparently and crashing out from 2:37 after finally turning an old phone odd. to then wake up and try to fap until 10:30 am it was feeling of whether things felt real or would ever happen and it just delays how long I last for or if i just give up and wake up, Now  this I do know its carrying on from last year but more so now that ties have been split from something special that was shared, but alas moving on is going to be hard, but in this luck, we all woke up late so that did not cause any rush or disaster, but this meant having to have a late breakfast of another smoothie as well as a plain old chooco nussa toasted sandwich, no meat this time. Plug being tagged in a bitchy group about PS4 repairs means someone is not going to listen and that means more stress for this week. Plus it was also a chance to have a 

The Fruit smoothie for the morning

Then it was a suggestion that mum wanted a bath in the morning, and with my anxiety still kicking in, it was time to just take it easy with things, so we did, especially as the rain was pouring down and make the things just less chance to deal with the outside world right now since It was going to be scary and even at various points today, it felt like it could go at a wrong turn .But then I was time to get a walk with Rosie sorted and was going to vlog but the rain and the wind was coming up, so not ideal to get it done, and realizing that not many of the resolutions from 2021 are completely failed in most cases. Maybe this is still me having to mull it over to find the next plan out. 

Eventually I got back about 11:30 and it was time to finally have the bath and maybe question on what the next plans would be for this year and I'm still nervy about it, I still have a few days left to think on this. But one hour or more later, I was out of the bath to the get some of the toenails clipped or cut for a small part to make sure they do not dig in for the next day of work on the Bank Holiday monday. But then it was more waiting for a text from feabie but no change and then debating to try out bumble to see iif that was going to work around but I think its not right just yet, but then it was time to have some chicken noodle soup for lunch. 

The soup and the extra

Then it was soon time to get changed to go for a shop for bits in Tesco and Lidl, this was a nice shop from some bits, the vlogging kits were still there, but other parts were there, even a 50" TV, But then it was to go to tesco  to get some more bits which were like a bowl, some snacks and even struggling to fine what rum looks like to then put in the mix with lime and mint cordial from robinsons. But then it was time to go home about the 4pm mark as places were going to close. #

We got home then unpacked and it was time to relax and typing up this blogpost which then it was time to have tea while edward scissorhands is on TV, very corny for a 1950s aesthetic tale, but the hoisin duck with the pancake wraps as well as the beef brisket works really well. The potato sticks from tesco is not as good as the ones from lidl since of the sour cream and chive. 

The wraps as well as the sticks and the salad 

But then it was time to relax and finish off some FNAF watching while watching big on TV too, plus gets to the point of hoping for something to change or maybe things to be less worrying, but it does make it  preparing for what was to come. But then it was to hopefully see and tweet the pics from the things before going back to work, I did try to charge the bike battery and found out the Back brad Pads have worn so it mans it will be harder to go down hills without crashing. 

The 3rd January: 

So after fapping and sleeping until this morning at around the 9am mark. then getting up at 9:15am to then get changed and ready for work by 9:30, since I was to have 4 visits, my nerves were kicking in a bit for what was to come today and it does not help when the bike's battery was not charging, But then I was off and on to my route. First it was to get to Ottery to sort out a car charger, then greeting a brother for the customer and then it was on my way to the next route. 

That was to another regular and learning on MS accounts, USB Drives and even 2FA/2FV then it was time to carry on, my nerves were starting to kick in a bit more for the next day ahead, but they said I would be ok with the PFizer vaccine so maybe it is the case. But then a customer text me and it was the next visit to be sorted, like seriously back to more visits, it was more to plan out and well little did i Know it was going to be another 4 left, I thought it would have been 2. 

Eventually I got to the next one in the middle of tavistock, and that was on a basis of the kindle to check on the books. So it was nearing 1:30 and time to cycle to work, I did pop by the GP and then got asked about if the pharmacy was open  and it was not. So I decided to carry on to go to the shop to get some things up. Such as well the  chance to finally get to sign up for feabie and, I have this feeling I did finally start to repeat  of chasing people that would either not exist or just stand me up for reasons beyond control or something like an excuse, but that I'll have to gamble with and see what happens. But  well It did work and I was online. But this is where checking things and guessing I was going to repeat the past. Plus the Sign was battered when left outside.

The scratch at the top in just 2 days of leaving it there. 

Eventually after that and some Stock paying in. HMRC paid and also some supplier Bills paid, it was time to eventually leave and get some bits in the rucksack since it was the last time to be in there hopefully this week then heading out to sort out the final what was supposed to be 2 visits, but leading to 3 visits. Even with the Bike battery still cutting out, but then a nice warm hour or so past and it was time to hed back to the last 2 visits, But as I cycled and still be cold and nervous, I was shocked to find the battery slammed out onto the road and Then I stopped and fitted it back to then cycle to the next route. 

Tben it was a few minutes later and I was going to the next visit, So that caused me to sort out some Chromecast issues but most of them were sorted in the end. Then it was fresh out  to the final visit, I'm still shaking and then after getting a slam out of the bike battery stopping. I got to the last customer's in the dark and got some of the iPad organised. Eventually it was nearling 8pm and 6 visits done. 

I got home, shaking even more and then time to talk to family and they were asking about plans tomorow on how or where they would be taking me for the second jab, since Home park was closed of all days for the Tuesday and Also mum "I know you have anxiety but you have to get it done" and it just feels a bit crippling and then it was time to have some leftover casserole for dinner. With honey puffs for that sweeter taste and horseradish just goes through my nose really. 

The Ham with casserole and kale with the extras 

But then it was browsing sites and also still having to do work like source triple monitor setups for a laptop and also then to watch some LTT video on some case. But then it was time for a bath and I got out by about the 22:25 mark which I was shaking, not from the cold as much as the temperate was lower, but it was the challenges of what could happen from tomorrow and what my feelings and emotions are going to freeze since my dad is not the best at understanding feelings of most people which explains why maybe sometimes I do not get on eye to eye or mention things like not trusting him, But then it was finishing off the show of Stay Close and the ending is that twist of the manager being the killer. 

But then it was gong to bed and finishing this to be typed up before the big day, With the plans to get a vlog sorted as well as the chance to think of some of the goals from the reflection of the first week of 2022 being an anxious mess that knows the bad stress of memories might come back. I really don't know, even if it is chatting to potential fakes on FF and no messages as of yet on Feabie. 

The 4th day  - Vaccination

So, we struggle to get up from the alarm going off until  10:15am, I was shaking a little in bed and even with a phone calls even while trying to fap to de-stress but this feeling of worry was really on, I managed to get out of bed but still shaking and then to get changed and walk the dog, Which I could hear the wind from the bedroom, But then it was time to walk her, I was shaking to still try to get changed and then get her out for some playing ball on the field. And even as I was walking, I was still shaking and feeling like things are going to be the tough choices to make in the future and how even this will feel. 

Rosie while walking 

Then It was more chaos as the wind was going up, the time  was to panic was not yet but Edge was about the word, it did not help with the strong wind and the fact rosie was deciding to do what she wanted and run away with the ball. But it was the end of the walk since it was nearing 11am. Especially as this other dog decided to sniff and Rosie was not happy, so it was on the lead. Especially as the postman was around the corner was the postman. 

But then it was checking E-mails and even having a voicemail already to deal with but those will be for tomorrow, since my legs were shaking more and eventually mum arrived from work and I had to wobble my legs to get to the car, feeling numb and looking down  and i could not stop shaking the entire drive to mutley aka Hyde Park.

But then it was time to get out of the car and there was me struggling to walk to the door, and there was like a queue and actually a rep came out shouting anyone for the covid vaccine and I froze, but mum shouted that we were but I was really struggling to walk in there and nearly fell. But then I was walked into a room and then just about to panic but I sat down and still shaking and mum was shouting at me to calm down and then it a bt f a struggle to get the jumper off before  she did get the jab in on my right arm (aka left if facing me, right if looking at it. But then it was done and i'm still shaking and nearly fell out of the door and then made my way to the car and then it was a drive back home, well almost. 

We then had to drop mum back but I was still shaking for most of the way home  and then we go to the pasty house while mum got some pasties and dropped off them, But I got a whatsapp which did make me have to focus on it and think over what to say especially While still feeling shakey. But then dad came back in and we drove home. 

From that I was still a bit uneasy and then checked the laptop and it was  time to remember Emails to reply to and still more voicemails that I have to, but eventually I had to sort out the pasty i was given for lunch and something else easy going like a chicken stock tomato soup and adding the pasta in that too. 

The lunch

As I was eating this slowly and took longer than usual since i still felt uneasy and also using water to help detox me in this feeling of making sure I don't trigger off any ills and even while washing this up later on I was feeling that little bit more shit or on edge. 

Then it was to relax and just start to type this up but even that was tricky when calls from work and e-mails was appearing so it was going to build up a backlog for the end of the week or when I have the energy to finally deal with it, I mean if It gets that fucking Bad, I'll have to work all weekend to catchup due to this demand. Especially while browsing feabie and it brings memories of some time wasters and those that you question if its going to be just a stand up or stood up again, Not missing that reality for the past 2 years almost is a good thing, (well 1 year 11 months), and maybe that is another part of the anxiety. 

But later on after it was another dogwalk and it made me almost cry since of what the future becomes but then the wind was coming back and it was time to carry on with the fire I put on from earlier and then it was time to type this up while watching videos. But eventually it was time to carry on and it was a nice chance to have some Paella as well as chups and it worked nicely in a wrap. 

But then that was mostly the end of the day, it was time to chill out, watching films and typing up and still wondering on the choices i've got to make for the resolutions this week. Plus a video needs to be done and even online work too. 

And then it the final day covered on this post since things do have to end somewhere, but it will be a re-cap of the Goals from 2021 and 2022 to be set. 

Wednesday the 5th. 

So waking up and fapping until 10am mark and it was then preparing for a phone appointment for remote access on that side of thing, which I had to setup things with lubuntu but that was sorted and then after a few e-mails to sort with some work gfuel like it was getting something useful with the LPG team. This was just after having a nice small bit of cookie and a vitamin c to boot. 

The Cookie Sandwich and the vitamin c drink 

But then it was time to walk the dog and it was getting a  chance to film the video for the catchup and well, it was ok but it felt a bit rant in that side of thing, it did not feel constructed properly, like not scripted. But the that worked for a selfie in that regard, well the hat did.

Rosie in the background 

Then filming that just didn't feel right and then so it was time to go home and maybe film cooking lunch after that so no change there. This time it was get the fod done and it was a nice omelette with some 5 spice as well as the curiously cinnamon as well. 

The omelette with ritz crackers

But then it was deciding what to do and actually I have to now decided to get the bike cleaned, since it was overdue and well the time to get things arranged for next week, since visits were booked already. 
But that bike was cleaned after a nice tub of hot water in a bucket and some car shampoo, but that helped with scrubbing things down like the mud off. But then it was nearly 1 hour later and 3pm and finally time to get packed away and it was clean. 

The Back of the bike before

another look 

After the back of the bike has been cleaned 

The front was clean too 

So then it was time to get rosie out and then it was good to take a small tripod and then walk to the same spot I did come back from earlier on and this means to get it filmed, but it worked nicely, except it was the plan to see how it goes with finally saying the new year resolutions. Now Rosie was barking for the ball to be thrown so it was walking back and forth while filming, but it was nice to finally talk without holding the phone out, I know i should have brought the bigger tripod but no change on my prepwork there. 

*insert video here*

Then it was time to go home and then 4pm passed and was getting clear sky, an very cold and it felt nice but also it was going to be soon that Dad was coming home. But it was then to just relax and check things on feabie before time to go and get some chores and it was also nice bits of battered and tgi fridays chicken for tea. Lie the battered chicken balls were meh but the other chicken was very rich and tender. 

The chicken balls, the chicken bits and the cous cous 

Then it was time to watch TV with parents, chat to my sister whom came over around 9:30 and some prison show was on but she was talking and busy working but came back from spoons. But it was also good to type this up and well tomorrow the video will probably be. 

The Resolutions:

Well now 2021 is over and ended off to a bad year and well its the chance to finally see if things do maybe work out for the future, but we do have to recap the chances to find what could work. And its time to have a final re-cap and put it to sleep for the past. 

The 2021 Resolutions: 

  • Stream more -Failed, like only streamed 3 times if any  - FAIL 
  • Catch up with the  accounts in work - I caught up to October and it then stopped - SUCCESS
  • Be able to hug someone non work or family related - Did not happen - FAIL 
  • Complete at least 2 games in a story mode  - Did not happen - FAIL 
  • Do more Day out vlogs  - only 1  - FAIL 
  • Schedule/plan out days more -  I sort of got some days planned and did write a list of some, I think FAIL
So that shows that and with Gaming, it was a waste of time, but especially with running a game store, sometimes the playing gets delayed in that side of things.

But now it comes to plan out the new ones. 

The 2022 Resolutions: 

  • Sort out the Down there problems and prepare to be able to have sex  -This has been overdue and I think its going to be some therapy work I've got to sort out, Also i have Email a potential therapist or two
  • Have branded fast food with someone outside family - This basically means a fast food date of some sort, especially as i've been seeing fast food purchases on and off the past year and makes me crave it like i dream about it, but even just sitting on the sofa could work with this too
  • Tweet more -  This is going to be important to either call out bad events OR even just feel like i've accomplished something
  • Try to make more videos at least 2 per month  - Since I feel like I've really been lazy in content creation and this needs to change and maybe make it work with all nighters now a decent laptop I've got just an SSD to change over and then edit, 
  • Do more Day out vlogs  - Hopefully more than 1 this year to be done. Exeter is the first. 

So that is the way we go, this should be able to find this out. and maybe its going to be new people to enjoy but there is more support and things will be able to work out. 

But Enjoy the new year and we can see how it goes.