Saturday, 30 April 2022

The Nervous Appointment for starting a resolution

 So, with things getting intense and busy in work and finally comes to get a bit quieter but actually what was going to happen was the fact that 2 weeks ago, there started to be things appearing and also it means it has to be a chapter to finally start getting things sorted. 

So with that appearing, it means it's going to face challenges and also time to see if this is going to be the end of me or if it's just something natural and ask questions on that and also with issues that have been ongoing for years and maybe going to finally be resolved or at least checked from the new year's resolution back in January. 

The planning. 

Since it was only just an online form to sort out to finally see when this little lump was apparent being felt on what I thought was the testicles with the mini lump and it does cause the risk of cancer but also there has been some more burning and also it means things could get worse if not checked. So I filled out the form on the previous Friday (1 week ago if reading this on the 29/04/2022). 

Then from insomnia that made me wake up at the 6am mark and struggle to sleep.  it was a chance to get a call on Monday and well this is where discussing with a trainee GP for this and well the form I did mention the phimosis since it could be related. But that day was MEANT to be filming a vlog in a quiet area but from 3 visits turned into 5 and then it was time to finish at 8pm, leaving from 9:50am too.

But that was also the time that I had to cycle from one end of the area to another, aka chillaton to Gunnislake and then from there back to Tavi and then back home. 

The workout in the mid-afternoon 

The visits were long in some ways and close to then dealing with work for the rest of the week/ 

The Day before. 

So this was another day of work with various customers and more to sort out and well it makes it that little bit of a tough pack and more nerves in the inside regarding what was happening, Now there was a visit planned after work which was going to get me some time to finally vlog and explain the potentials of what was going to be the how to explain the past few months from the failed dates and the overspending on Alice and the failed virtual date,. Well, the lump and what the outcome of that might be. It was nice to finally get to the bottom of the past and get new videos created, well so I thought. 

A selfie via an iPhone X front camera with screen film 

Standing up before filming 

Eventually, after some kids passing, some sheep on the patch and even more runners by, It was time to cycle back to lidl to get some shopping as I always do best. Which it was the first of being into lidl with some small deals and using a few of the lidl plus deals. 

The bits from lidl about £7.59 

Then it was a case of going to Tesco for some more of the sauce mixes and other Clubcard offers which ended up being paid for in cash on that side of things, my mind was still a bit relieved from filming but also nervous about what the appointment will hold. 

The sauces and mixes 

Then it was a nice cycle up the hills to then get home and greet parents and then it was to have nice leftover food which also gives it that vibe of late combinations. This also was  the last of the lush biscoff spread for like £2 in co-op last week too. 

The tea on Wednesday 

But it then means it to catch up with either filming to potentially edit and actually it was a case of a bath then time to get things planned and the scare of what was to happen in one way or another.  But then it came to researching and crashing out after watching DuckTales, with a recent vibe of binge-watching Disney + for the evenings and that has been a lot in the past 2 months for sure.  But then it was the day of the appointment.

The Appointment Day: 

A normal sort of day at work 

So, waking up at around the 8:30am time and I was planning to be getting going since of the worry of there was a delivery to sort out and they only come between 8am and 9am. But we then go to the plan of getting to work and then time to check on this  PC that had to be a case from an XPS 8900 with the faulty power button.  But then it was more things and at the end of the day it was going to be stock taking as well as starting to finish off some repairs with an iPhone. 

The Appointment. 

So it was 17:40 and I was now getting over to the GP and it was really scary in a way being the ONLY person in there customer or patient wise. like it was going to be just me and well I got told to go upstairs form the receptionist which I've not been up here or let alone in the Surgery since the chance of the second jab back in December. But It was then time to go to a toilet after waiting a couple of minutes. Then it was time to sit down and discuss about things. 

So first it comes to being told that it was not on the testicle but on the epididymis tube was having a cis on it. 

The empty waiting room 

Then as i got out the doctor was by the room doors, then I walked in with her and we sat down quickly for a chat while she got a assistant out before I got changed, and then it was a bit of a scary factor when she had gloves on with going to touch but then she asked to see the lump and then she felt it and told me its not on the testicle but the tube below it, so then I got changed with the belt and then took a seat and we discusses some bits. But she mentioned it was not cancerous, but good to go and check on those things. 

So this turns out to be a case of well we did a discussion about the phimosis and well it lead to some talk about my life such as some of the concerns  such as the bacteria that might form, the size of it and also the fact I struggle to touch it properly such as even with condoms or struggling with that side of getting it sorted. Then it was mentioning about fainting and passing out back in the days of sex education lessons and i mentioned to her about going back to basics on the lessons like that. 

So she also brought up about asking If I've had relationships yet or sex and well asking like "Have you found someone you like" plus some other questions  and i went in some of the past relationships as far as i feel I've had which others just say its one way crush or not really a relationship. 

which then she asked me about being neurodivergent which ok in the past people have been thinking I'm part of that, but there was a questions and some past experiences of the tone changing in relationships with people that Think I was and she did mention that things are better but she just said she'll send me a text at the end of the appointment. 

But then it was a bit of the chance she wanted to have a closed look and she asked me to try to stretch it which i do as the way I usually do it and then she tried but it was getting a  bit uncomfortable so then I got changed and then we wrapped it up on the conclusion side. So she suggested things like the Steroid cream as well as I mentioned the table salt and she said "I've not heard of that one before" so maybe I've got to listen to that conversation with the nurse. But she also did start the referral for the urologist for the reassurance on the penis. Plus there was the psychosexual therapy with talkworks but both of those will be months ahead but at least there is the plan of this to be sorted. 

But then it comes to the part of leaving and thanking her then It was a shaky walk to the pharmacy to then see if the prescription was there and after a but of muttering, it was there and being asked about if i pay and I had to ask about that but ended up meaning I do so it was £9.35 for the steroid cream. 

The prescription 

Then I was trying to film a bit on it and then it was to a customer's house. 

The evening. 

So,. it was then a time to run to the next customer to visit so yes it was still working but then it was a catch up and chatter in some ways  but it was then time to leave after passwords resets and then time to get home and it was hard to run home, it felt shaky but also a relief that a chapter might finally happen.  But then it was time to have some time to reflect on this while walking home. But then it was a nice honey mustard sort of chicken with some bao buns as well. 

The meal from the Thursday night

so there we have it, the end of the day and a big chapter in some ways but other things have been on the mind and it can make it tough choices for it. But it means vlogs might be on there horizon and yes there is the vlog from the Wednesday to sort too. 

But for now its time to head to bed and work for another day which the Friday was then quiet to reflect more on things like the love school or even just talkworks but that will be for another time.