Friday, 4 April 2014

A sighed progress report

With the 4th month of 2014 now in swing, its just a shock of how fast time has moved, which can suprise us as well as make goals and ambitions in years feel like a deadline closing in. I'll be honest here, these past few weeks have been depressing, maybe...i'm still feeling broken, lost and maybe like being a zombie, just working, eating, browsing, fapping, sleeping and the common things in life.

I've learnt not much these past few weeks, its actually just been the realisation of the past repeating itself,  the hope of an impossible point in time and people saying for you to wait for that impossible place in time, Ruby, Sasha and even Stacia have tweeted the same implied hint.

But this makes it harder to cope, since you have 2 different ends of the scale of life, one is where everything is handed over to you, when you don't have to work for it, live easy, get what you want, never have to go out and earn for something. Then there is the other end, where you have to try your hardest and you get nowhere, from a low pay job to missing transport links to get to where you need to be because of someone else. Its a balance which makes life varied and can change your fate.

Now i'm not at either end of the scales in this respect. Sure, i live with parents and pay a good rent of £20 a week which includes food and utilities, sure i have a job which makes me happy and i enjoy, even if people think its a bit lower than what i should get. But when it comes to some of the important things in life, like love, life experiences, i'm somewhere where people almost 8 years younger are doing better in, which makes me feel life has passed me by and i can't catch up to save my life. Sure, i'm actually catching up with some things in life but its things that people are doing almost every other week or some are doing daily.

But now on to actually  reflect on how close (or actually further away) i am from completing my New Years Resolutions i set in January .

I'll bullet point them and summarize how my progress has been for each Goal.

  • Get my first kiss - Sadly this has been a no go, i mean it, which this alone has lowered almost everything in me, sure people might say its overra......actually people say that about sex, i've not been told how overrated a kiss is, which means its amazing and it shouldn't take as long as it has to be missing out on this, i'm determined to change this, since i could be thinking this same problem to myself when i'm 40, which by then i'm pretty much fucked.
  • Get into my first relationship - This has gone back to where i was in 2009, which actually when this blog orignally started, back when i fell in love with a beautiful girl with lush ginger hair, a nice accent and Abbey was amazing, which by this time, my heart was shattering because i was possibly never going to see her again and i was going to lose her to Matt. But years later (i only found out on Goose Fair 2013, i found out they both had split, which was a smiley regret. Since if i waited for 2 more years, i could of actually made the break and gone for it. Instead i moved on to a goddess who was more my type then i thought, but now, even though there is a glimmer of hope that i could make this work, i have to accept that i've lost another amazing girl i could of had my first real relationship with. This goal has a long way to go before i reach it. I still wish i could be hers and be better for her than anyone else. 
  • Have a mates or friends day out - Now this is a possible this year, well one of the best nights out of my life was with friends. Maybe this needs a longer time to plan, but i'm hoping i could make this happen in 2014. Heck, i was even invited to prauge for a holiday but i don't have the time to make that happen, without regret at least. 
  • Enjoy a meal with friends at a chinese Restaurant - Now even though my favourite Chinese restaurant is battered and closed for the most part due to the storms this year, this is a loose goal, its not going to make me a failure as much as i am already. So, its a hit and miss, it would be nice to try that Chinese restaurant by the Barbican with Charley or Bronti or even Sophie, but this is fantasy, not a realistic goal right now. 
  • Finishing Games - Now this has had some progress, yipee...
    • PACMAN CE DX - i've finished and when i checked after, i was 35/22000+
    • KH 1.5 HD Remix for PS3 - I'll be honest and say, i've not played this at all this year, stil to continue. 
    • Hotline Miami - Well i've played a little bit:
    • Oddworld - Now i've not played much of this, but i'm excited for New N Tasty, maybe a lets play eventually. 
    • RR for Vita - Sadly Sony have not done anything to get me close to start playing this, which i'm annoyed but i can't do anything about. 

So, this is it, its now 1/3 of the year done or moreso 3/12. Which is quite scary, but things haven't been all a fail, somethings have been better for me, maybe these are very minor achievements or even daily occurrences but for some reason, it feels like a big deal to me, i'll bullet point them:

  • I had my first Goodbodies meal, this may not sound like much but it does when this place might be used for late night romantic meals with drunk girls or just hanging out with drunk friends, like Pete, Charley, Jordan & Muneetha.
  • I've done my first sleepover away from my family/relatives, i'm not joking, i've never spent the night away from them in my whole life, even though i was a bit nervy and a bit of a guilty feeling, i made it and it was nice, especially when it was in Charley's flat. 
  • I've worked my first whole week - this is not really a good thing, but it was nice to manage work for 6 days straight, even though my work colleague was saying i should of taken a couple of hours off, me and him covered most of the shop nicely. 
  • I bought my first ever membership to a paysite - Again, this might be laughable but its something i've been pondering on and i took the plunge and bought access to KAYLEES KANDI.COM. Its worth the £13.20 something, 
  • I've gotten 15,000 Views and counting more on the blog - this probably means nothing but thats quite alot...maybe...actually its a bit of a catching up thing.
  • I've started to cook much better for the first time, this has been nice to cook burgers, fish fingers, steak and even made chocolate chips by the use of frying.
    And i think that is pretty much it, i've got much more to work on before completing a part of life that many people i know, from family to friends to even customers i serve in work all day have that i haven't, which i'm going to have to try hard, pull out all the stops, invest money without hesitation, surprise and use the info i know to fill a empty gap inside me and maybe even finally reglue the shattered pieces of my heart together which can then be replaced with more stronger pieces from memories of dates, kisses, cuddles, feedings, hugs, maybe sex, vlogs together and more. 
But for now, its almost 2am and i have work yet again tomorrow. 
See you in the next blogpost