Tuesday, 12 August 2014

The first test to know if i'm ready

Before i even start this blogpost, i would like to say #RIPRobinWilliams, one o the most amazing comedians and actors of my childhood, from Jumanji to Flubber and some other films like Aladdin and Mrs Doubtfire that have made me laugh, smile and grip on the edge of the sofa i'm sitting on, Depression is a demon that hurts many without realising, sometimes i even feel it happening to me as i sigh when i wake up sometimes or i look up to the sky with hope of something that might never happen. But he made many people happy, but sometimes the people that make us happy are the people that are unhappy the most. Thats all i can say, but after talking to my sister about this, it seems that the celebrities that influenced the 1990s childhood are passing away into the afterlife, it hurts to see them go but nothing can be done. You will be missed, Mr Williams.

Note and i'm only warning, later on this blogpost does contain graphic descriptions, more penis talk realted, it starts with a *. Also the results for this are at the bottom. 

Now, on to today, where its a challenge for me later on but its something that i need to make sure is fine before i start things. Basically i've booked for an STI test, now most have said "Mattie, your a virgin, why have you booked it/wasted taxpayers money etc". Bascially the answer is that i want to make sure that i'm ready with everything down there, i mean good shape, good flow, good well no sti from accidental non sexual things. Booking the appointment was quite quick, i called them and then maybe it was a struggle with the time, but they asked for my details and then all done. Then it was working and even had 2 home visits which made me an extra £25. 

So, i wake up at about 8:10, leaving my phone on charge all night, with it also being the last day before my orange extras run out :(, i checked the internet, of course the tributes to Robin Williams were deep and clear and lovely, but after that, i decided to fap, sure it was over a beautiful Canadian gainer who is looking lovely and is only 1 year older than me, but she is amazing. 

Afterwards, i woke up, got the washing on the line outside in, since it was pissing it down with rain, then got the bike out and it was a case of checking e-mails, dealing with a breast cancer call and was convinced to donate £1 a week, i did tell him a theory that committing to that is the same as gambling if you don't earn much, he was clear and understood that, so we actually ended on a good term phone call. Then some Jehovah's witness's came walking in, i said not interested and said goodbye. 

Then it was nearing 10:30, i got changed then headed out, it was turning nice and bright and it was a wet journey, for the most part anyway. The journey was reasonable, i fell off by morrisons, but i didn't stop too much except for a few reasons.

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Then i accidentally stopped the recording then i started it again.

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Then i got there, and it was reasonably good weather, then i got into the mall and i got given an offering of some Beef and Garlic Teriyaki, it looked amazing and i had the best taste. It looked amazing and saucy too.
The beef and garlic teriyaki
Then i was walking around town and not much happened, i'll list some of the main points though, sure it did rain a drop or 3 but there was some fun and not so fun bits.
The jeans from Primark

  • I bought some jeans in primark for £7. they are cuff styled jeans
  • I browsed cex and saw some good ideas, i was told that google glass was there but thats been sold. some 1TB Hard drives for £40 and a 2GB hd6570 for £25 or so was good too. I was tempted to buy KH 2 but i said "Don't, just wait for HD 2.5 Remix"
  • I also went in poundland, not much new stuff except for some PS3 games (actually only Disney Sing it), also there was this weird movie which was named iron hero which was a sort of iron man movie. 
  • I popped in to the asian store and some family were looking at some fresh salad and i was tempted for coconut but i couldn't drink since i was nearing 2:30 and i couldn't piss for 2 hours before the appointment. That was more the "don't pass urine for hours" i was told on the phone.
  • Game had nothing much, ok someone did reduce Sonic Adventure to £3.69, but i've got it on PC already. Some headsets were cheap, but i've got that too.
  • Bright house was selling a PS3 for £500, i'm not fucking kidding, thats if if i bought it full payment, not in credit. I saw one for £120 in Wants
  • I noticed the car park that i went to when me, charley and amber nearly lost her car in once is now close to being demolished.
  • I didn't see eloise in the vapour shop
  • I walked into cash converters and i finally understood why i've had alot of customers laptops to setup in work, since some laptops are sub £100 range.
  • Maplin was not too bad, i saw some HDDs in there but a 2TB SSHD for £130 is a bit steep. 
  • I saw the most beautiful girl in the carphone warehouse in the mall, she looked just perfect, i mean, amazing figure, lovely smile, nice hair, also quite smart (she was selling phones and tablets to a really fussy farther). i was trying to get her attention but she almost smiled at me. I daydreamed about leaning on her belly while watching the fireworks and just talking or admiring the sparks, i wanted to ask for her number and try to achieve that for tomrrow, but i chickened out, also the dell windows 8 tablet is faulty. The strange thing is, i know who she is but we don't talk much, i think i nearly worship her a bit too much.
  • I was close to wanting to copy FCPX in the apple store, there was a nice bbw, not the once i was at the interview with years ago. 
  • I looked in the sony store and had a chat about a 3d tv. i also found out bravia sync is on older ps3s, which i thought was a slim only thing. 
After that, i walked to the hoe, it was pretty bright and the fair was there for the Firework Championships, i relaxed for about 15 minutes before heading out to derriford, but enjoy pics of the hoe and the fair below: 
The fairground looking towards the westside


Freddy's Revenge



Extreme Rush



Air Flyer

The hoe looking out to sea and the mini stage
Then it was time to head back into town then to derriford to have the checkup. But before i did, i went to specsavers to try and get my glasses fixed, i've used bluetack on them for the most part, i went upstairs but was told i should of gone to the desk downstairs. But i was waiting for 15 minutes, then i got served by a cute bbw with glasses, she said she wasn't sure on what to do, so she asked a colleague, she said to her "the frame has got to be replaced, she said that back to me, since i've had 2 letters now reminding me to have my eyes tested, i said to her, i'll just pop in my local specsavers. So i left and rushed to get to my bike then i cycled off to derriford. Now i left later than i hoped but i actually got to the check in about 2 minutes early. 

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I made it and then walked in, of course, i was slightly nervous but after going to the reception, i mentioned the appointment and then i was asked to sign a form, of course this was a confidential one and then after fillling in info such as my name, dob, address, mobile, landline, GP name, have you been before, have you had any symptoms, it was nice to wait a small time, i waited for 10 minutes before a nurse named Chris, a middle aged nice sounding girl, nice fuller physique but not my ideal type escorted me to see "Dr Dean", that sounds like a supervillian but its a nice Eastern Asian, i waited outside for a minute then he walked out while she wanted me to take a urine sample. So i tried to pee in the up, it was a odd thing i could fit my whole penis in there, not my testicles but just the penis, which was slightly squashed from the bike ride in tight jeans. I almost pissed too much into it, so i tipped some out then tried to make it level to the 1st line on the cup, which was what she wanted. But then both came back in and he said "Hi Matt, i'm dr dean" then we introduced and asked me to take a seat.

So this is the bit we talked about why i'm here. i'll go through some of the questions below:

  • He asked for my date of birth and just to make sure the details on the newly printed record were correct, yep they were. 
  • He asked if i had any allergies, i only mentioned lactose intolerance and then he said "i meant tablets" or was hinting along those lines, i said nope, 
  • He then asked about my sexual partners, i said "none, i've never been with anyone", he wasn't too taken back. But he was not sure on why i was here, i sort of got that vibe.
  • Then he asked me if i had done anything touching "oral sex" was mentioned and i said "nope but the closest thing is hugging", he brushed it off and mentioned it down. 
  • Then it was if i drink alcohol and i said "i don't drink", so then "so 0", "your the 10th person out of the people we see that has a 0 (aka don't drink)" So out of the possible thousands that go to this clinic, i'm the 10th person so far that doesn't drink. Just reflect on that for a second. "Well plymouth is a university town so thats why its rare", which i've never thought of that at all, as much as it now makes sense.
  • Then it was a question on drugs, blood transfusions, i said "nope" for those, well unless anyone can say in a legit way, as far as i know, i haven't taken drugs not injected any needles. He did joke "we could do a blood test if you want", i know i should of done the full works but i said nope. 
*Now before this was over, i did ask him to just take a look, just incase he noticed something that i didn't. So he asked me to take my pants off which i tried and that didn't end up too bad, i think he wanted me to sit on the seat then he said "stand up" then he said "sit down" again, i'm not sure. but then he saw it, it looked tiny i mean like smaller than a 10p coin, but he didn't say much on the size, which i thought he would but then again i'm as a complete novice as an 80 year old using a tablet (a few of my customers are like that). 

But then he asked can you pull back and tried pulling it back, he wasn't sure but i said "thats the furthest i managed to pull it", so he did say "yeah, the foreskin looks a bit tight, but it doesn't cause pain", i replied "nope", then he wanted to just clean it with some anti septic tissue, which i was a bit shakey, he said "you ok", since it was on the tip and it was a bit sensitive, like anything really, maybe more so when people used to punch me in the dick years ago. But then he was pretty casual and saying "we'll text you the results, you should be fine" then we greeted and i walked out. Then left for home. 
The exit and entrance to the clinic, its like a small gap. 
Just as i leave it starts to pour down with rain that is just typical for a leaving, but i left at 4:50 which i was only in for 20 minutes, thats good really, compared to going to abbey surgery where waiting can be an hour on its own, maybe i should just go here for health checks. But anyways the bike ride home begins and 1 hour and 12 minutes to get home, which is ok i guess. 

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As i got back my parents greeted me, i put the bike in the shed then got changed and it was a normal night. Ok i ended up arguing with my dad about the TV but that was about it. I mean today wasn't as bad as i hoped, i ended up daydreaming in carphone warehouse, but part of me was screaming "STOP BEING DISTRACTED BY SOMEONE WAY TO GOOD AND PERFECT FOR YOU AND GET THAT FIRST KISS THE EASY WAY OUT" and i was also missing emma and then i come home and charley ends up hitched, i just want to sigh and smack my head against the wall, the part is i was even going to text her and now a good job i didn't since it would of been too late even then. if only being able to kiss a best friend you see once every couple of months was a non complex thing even thought i don't understand how its complex, but i can't even get a kiss at 21 which i'm still working on so maybe i'm missing something thats right in front of me.

Below is the results of this test.

A photo posted by Mattie LT Marker (@omracerfaps) on
For now, i can just say, see you in a new vlog and blogpost soon